I want to go there. To my life. To the one where I wake up next to the man I love, and everything immediately falls into place. Without panic, without loneliness, without this constant "hold on, you're strong." I don't want to be strong, but happy. I don't want to be needed, but desired. I want to be myself - vulnerable, bright, real.

I so want to start everything from scratch.
Without other people's scenarios. Without these "it has to be this way."
I want to be with him. Where I can take off my mask. Where I can cuddle and know - I will not be betrayed. Where "I love you" are not empty words, but actions. Where my home is not the walls, but his hands.

I'm tired of living in a waiting mode.
Waiting for happiness.
Waiting for spring.
Waiting for myself.

I want to come already.
To come to where they are waiting for me. Where I am important. Where I am safe - not because I closed all the doors, but because there is someone nearby who guards my peace, and does not disturb it.

And even if it sounds like a dream - but I know for sure: such a life is possible.
And I am going to it.
Because I deserve it.
Because I want to.
Because the time has come to live, and not to survive.2