The wounds we carry with us

The more painful the gap was, the more likely that in a new relationship we will be careful, alert, and sometimes even suspicious. Especially if we were deceived, betrayed or ignored before. Such caution can interfere with trust, even if the new partner is not to blame for anything. It’s how to walk along the minefield - it’s scary to step in the wrong place, even if the earth is already safe in front of you.

Comparisons and projection

Sometimes we unconsciously compare: “But my former did differently ...”, “She does not speak to me as she said ...” and even if we understand that each person is unique, the brain still lifes the parallels. This is especially manifested in similar situations - quarrels, rest, everyday life. It is important to be aware of such comparisons in time not to interfere with a new feeling to develop according to your rules.

What are we teaching past relationships

But past experience is not only pain. It can be useful. We better understand what we need, what works and what is not. Someone understands that it is important to talk about feelings at once, someone-that you can’t sacrifice yourself for someone else's comfort. These lessons can become a support if you use them wisely, and not as a reason for distrust.

How to stop dragging the load of the past
It is important to be honest with yourself: if you still live in thoughts about the former, a new relationship will suffer. No one is obliged to treat other people's wounds if a person himself is not ready to release the past. Sometimes it is worth taking a break to truly complete the previous story-not necessarily through the conversation, but at least inside yourself.

And when everything is worked out, the past becomes not an anchor, but by a compass. It does not pull back, but helps to go forward - more attentively, wiser and more conscious.

Past relations are part of us, and it is useless to deny them. But they should not control our new feelings. If we learn from mistakes, we speak with each other openly and allow the new partner to be ourselves-relationships become not a repetition of the old script, but by something real. And this is a completely different story.