Why don't we want to speak first

At such moments, silence seems simultaneously by defense and punishment. We are afraid to seem weak, yielding. The thought arises: “Why should I be the first to make contact? ". The ego, resentment, pride - all this builds the inner walls, behind which the most vulnerable feeling is hidden - the fear of being misunderstood or rejected.

In addition, silence may be a way of emotional self -regulation. We need time to calm down, cool, comprehend what has been said. But if this process is delayed, silence turns into a cold war in which no one wins.

Who should take the first step?

There is no universal answer. Ideal - if one who feels more resources will take a step forward. Sometimes it will be the one who misses more. Sometimes - one who understands more strongly how important the dialogue is. Sometimes - one who is just tired of silence.

It is important to understand: the first step is not a plead of guilt. This is a gesture of maturity and care of communication. This is a way to say: "It is important for me to restore contact, let's talk." He does not cancel pain or disagreement, but opens the door to the dialogue.

Why is it so difficult?

Because the fear of being rejected is truly strong. Especially if the quarrel was emotionally saturated. It seems to us that if we show the initiative, we are still wounded again. We do not want to seem weak. It is important for us to maintain dignity - sometimes even at the cost of relations.

And also - because we do not know how to talk about feelings. We were not taught to say calmly: “I was offended”, “I felt rejected”, “I miss.” We are either silent or accused. And in the end - we are silent again.

How to overcome silence?

- Let me feel. Resentment and anger are normal. Admit them, but do not let them manage your actions.

- Take the first step softly. It can be a simple message, a gesture, a phrase like: "Can we talk?" It is not necessary to discuss everything right away.

- Do not start with reproaches. Even if you consider yourself right - first contact, then analysis.

- Remember why you are together. At the time of silence, it is very easy to forget that in this story there is love, general moments, and proximity. Recall this - yourself and the partner.

To speak the first is not a weakness. This is maturity, care and willingness to build, and not destroy. Silence after a quarrel is a natural pause, but do not turn it into silence, which moves away. Because when two continue to be silent, not only resentment, but also the distance grows between them.

Sometimes one simple word - “hello”, “sorry”, “let's talk” - can return not just contact, but the very closeness. And, perhaps, to save what is really important.