Who is the "Rescuer"?

This is a person who feels the need to take care, support, pull the other out of trouble. Often - even at the cost of yourself. This may seem noble, but behind this desire is often hidden the need to feel necessary, significant, important.

In love, such a scenario is manifested especially vividly: we fall in love with those who are bad. Dependent, in the injured, in the cold. In the one who "is still not ready for relationships." And instead of equal partnership, we begin to “treat”.

Why is this happening?

1. We want to be significant.
Saving another, we feel our strength. We become heroes in someone else's story. This gives us meaning, especially if something is missing in our own life.

2. We confuse love with pity.
Compassion is a good quality, but it is not always associated with love. We feel sorry for the person, and we take it for the feeling. We want to help - and we think that this is love.

3. We are clinging to drama.
Life without storms may seem boring. And here - the intensity of passions, strong emotions, struggle. It is capturing. Even if it destroys.

4. Personal experience.
Sometimes rescuers grow out of those who have not received enough heat in childhood. Or one of those who saw one parent tried to "save" another. Such scenarios are then repeated in love.

What is the danger?

Rescuer syndrome rarely leads to a happy relationship. Because in such pairs one always gives more than he receives. Gradually, this leads to burnout, resentment and disappointment.

In addition, when we fall in love with someone else's pain, we do not see the person himself. We love his potential - what he “can become” if it changes. But what if it does not change?

What to do with it?

The first is to recognize. Honestly answer to myself: "I want this person or do I just want to save someone?"
The second is to learn to build an equal relationship, where both partners are strong, independent, but at the same time support each other.
Third - switch attention to yourself. Often “rescuers” forget about their desires, needs and boundaries. But to love is to be near, and not sacrifice yourself.

The desire to help is not a vice. But love is not a mission or therapy. This is a meeting of two adults, not the patient and his “doctor”. If we save all the time, we have no strength to love.

And maybe it's time to stop looking for those who need to be repaired - and look around in search of who you can just live with whom. Without exploits. But with warmth.