Why do the most honest thoughts not come during the day? When everything is logical, smooth, comfortable. But at night - there is no shelter. The blanket is too thin, the air is too warm, and something is moving inside.
I lie down and cannot find a place for myself. I close my eyes, but there is no silence in my head.
On such nights I do not sleep.
I hear sounds outside the window - a car, footsteps, wind. And everything seems closer. The world seems to stand on tiptoe so as not to frighten my thoughts.
I feel a touch under the sheet that was not there. I remember a look that lasted less than a second, but still does not let go.
At night I do not pretend. I do not smile "out of habit". I think what I will not say during the day.
I imagine someone lying next to me and not even speaking, just breathing in unison.
It is at night that I understand what I really want. It is not loud words or flowers. It is the warmth on my thigh. It is the weight of a hand on my stomach. It is the pause between breaths, when you do not know if it is a dream or reality.
And then morning comes. And everything disappears.
Almost.