It's just a part of me - like a mole on my shoulder or the color of my eyes. My faith is not just Sunday mass, but something deeper. It's an internal compass that, of course, can go slightly astray, but still stubbornly points in the direction of the light. Sometimes I don't even notice how this faith grows in simple things: in how I speak, how I choose, how I love.

And so I go online. Photos, descriptions, interests. And almost immediately - a step back. Because somewhere below there is something like "no complexes", "in search of real chemistry", "there is only one life - take everything from it". And I understand that we live in the same time, but in very different worlds.

I do not mean that "everyone has gone bad", and not that it was better before. It's just... somehow especially noisy now. Many bodies, few souls. Much freedom, but so little real choice. And this applies not only to women, but also to men, probably even more of them.

Yes, it is difficult for a woman trying to live with faith now. Because you are not just going against the current - you are standing on the shore and waving at a boat that has long since sailed away. But men who are looking for depth - I think it is even harder for them. Because they are looked at with surprise, as if they should want "simpler", "faster", "hotter".

I sometimes pray for these men. Those who want to love truly. Who are not afraid to connect their hearts with something eternal. Who are not looking for "no strings attached" because they know that everything real in this world is about strings attached. About choice. About loyalty, even when it's hard. And especially when it's hard.

I'm not an angel or an ideal. I have my mistakes, doubts, empty evenings when I just want to turn off my head and not think. But every time I pray, I ask God not just for a husband - I ask that I have enough strength to remain myself, even if it means being alone a little longer. Not for pride or principle, but for the sake of one day meeting a person for whom I won't have to "simplify" myself.

Sometimes I want to write in the description: "I'm not your easy path. I'm your compass. I'm not for the evening - I'm for life." But I'm afraid that will sound too dramatic. And really, who are we to advertise ourselves? It's better to be like a candle in a chapel, just burning. Quietly, constantly. And if someone is looking for light, he himself will come closer.

I think you, reading this, understand what I'm talking about. Maybe you, too, open up and see only bodies, statuses, demands. Maybe you, too, are tired of this endless race of "who's cooler, who's simpler, who's more accessible." And maybe you, too, are tired of being strong. To be the one who always writes first, calls first, guesses first what a woman needs, who herself doesn't know what she wants.

And I want someone to simply tell you that you are not alone. There are others like you. With fears, with faith, with hope. With the desire to be not just a body nearby, but a soul nearby. With the willingness to live, and not "spent" life.

Take care of yourself.

Lana Banana