“If you really wanted to, you would’ve done it.” Or the kind of harshness that kills… 🧨

If everything came down to just wanting — we’d all be beautiful and fit, rich and successful, happy and balanced, with perfect bodies, relationships, kids, and careers. 💰🏡👫 But somehow… we’re not.

Picture this. You want something. Badly. So badly it makes you shake. But you don’t go for it, you freeze, you self-sabotage, you get stuck. 😔
And people around you keep saying:
— Then you must not want it enough.
— If you wanted to, you would’ve done it.
— Stop making excuses. 🙄

And it hits with such blunt cruelty… Such psychological ignorance… 🧱
Because between “I want” and “I do” lies a whole inner world:

🔹 Beliefs rooted in childhood 👶
🔹 Traumatic experiences 💔
🔹 Unconscious self-punishment patterns 🔄
🔹 Internal bans on success, love, pleasure 🚫💖
🔹 And sometimes — plain old depression, where you don’t have the strength to want or to act 😵‍💫

You *can’t* — not because you’re weak, lazy, or unmotivated.
But because there might be a real war going on inside you... ⚔️
Between parts of your Self:
💬 One wants change,
💬 The other is scared;
💬 One dreams,
💬 The other says: “You don’t deserve it”;
💬 One feels ready,
💬 The other still lives in a house where they were taught: “don’t stand out.”

What does psychology say? 🧠📚
📘 *Conflict between the Ideal Self and the Real Self* (Carl Rogers):
When you know how you *should* be (successful, slim, confident) but don’t measure up. The bigger the gap — the higher the anxiety, guilt, and shame.
💥 The result isn’t motivation, it’s paralysis: no matter what you do, it’ll feel “not enough.”

📘 *Defense mechanisms* (Freud and the Neo-Freudians):
The subconscious protects you from pain.
So it triggers:
🔸 sabotage
🔸 forgetfulness
🔸 procrastination
🔸 avoidance
It’s not laziness — it’s self-defense. 🛡

📘 *Secondary gain*:
Even pain can bring “benefits”:
🩺 Illness = attention
🏠 Loneliness = safety
⚖️ Extra weight = excuse to avoid intimacy
Until you become aware of this — you’ll stay stuck.

📘 *Learned helplessness* (Martin Seligman):
When after many failures, your mind concludes: “It’s pointless to try.” And even if success is possible — you don’t move. 🚷 It’s not a mood. It’s trauma.

What about willpower? 💪

Yes, willpower matters. But it doesn’t appear out of thin air.
You can’t just “build discipline” if your psyche is in survival mode instead of living.
If you have no inner resources — screaming “Just do it!” at yourself is useless. 😤 That’s not growth, that’s self-abuse.

I’m against that phrase “if you really wanted to, you would’ve done it” ❌
Wanting isn’t enough.
It’s crucial to ask:
🔍 Who inside me is getting in the way?
🔍 Who’s scared?
🔍 Who’s sabotaging?
Only then do you get a real choice — one that comes from self-respect, not self-beating.

📎 If you’re reading this and something inside you resonates — know this:
You’re not broken. ❗️
You’re just tired of fighting that internal war alone…
But there’s another way:
With care 🤝
With therapy 🛋
With support, not criticism 🙏

You’re not lazy. You’re human. And you need help, not blame.
You don’t have to fight this battle alone. 💗