Not to humiliate anyone or show that I have a little more in my wallet than it seems.

But simply because I want to. Because sometimes I want to express my care not with words, but with actions. Just go and pay for coffee. But here's the thing - if there's a man nearby, especially on the first or second date, it's almost taboo.

It pisses me off. Because it's not about kindness or love. It's about expectations. About some old model of masculinity, in which a man is always a breadwinner, even if you invited him just to go for a walk, to chat, without any hidden meanings. And in this model, a woman is supposed to be silent and accept, even if something inside her clicks: "Where is the freedom to be yourself?"

My last real dates were about ten years ago, back when cafes had sugar bowls on their tables instead of QR codes. A lot has changed since then: we now have voicemail, delivery, online therapy. But the “man pays, otherwise he’s not a man” model is still with us. And honestly, I still don’t understand why.

I remember one of those dates. He was going through a tough time then: he’d just started work and hadn’t received his salary yet. I knew that. And I sincerely wanted to say, “Listen, I’ll treat you to a drink today.” Not because I felt sorry for him, but because at that moment I could and he couldn’t. It’s not a tragedy, it’s life. But he still paid. Then I found out that after dinner he walked home because he couldn’t afford a taxi. He gritted his teeth, as expected of a man. And that really upset me.

Why do we live in a world where a man can't just say honestly, "I'm going through a tough time right now," and not be afraid that it will be perceived as weakness? Why can't a woman just show concern, and not be perceived as a threat to his masculinity?

I'm not saying that men shouldn't be paid. It's beautiful when a person wants to do something nice for another. But I'm for choice. So that it's a gesture of the heart, not an obligation. So that when you're having a hard time, you can accept support, and not feel "less of a man" because of it.

If I had a person nearby, not just a chatter, but the one with whom my soul coincided, I would gladly pay for him. Not always, not out of principle, not to emphasize my worth. But simply because when you love, you want to share. You want to take care. Not out of pity, not out of a desire to control, but out of a very simple and warm feeling, "I'm with you, I'm near, I can - and I want to."

Paying for tickets, ordering us a delicious dinner, covering part of the general expenses when he has a difficult month - there is nothing strange about this for me. For a loved one, you want to be a support, not an observer. It's like cooking him soup if he is sick, or boiling tea just because he came in from the cold. Why should financial care be something shameful or "a man's job"?

For me, love is when we are both not afraid to be weak. When we can lean on each other. And if he is my man, I would not just pay, I would be glad of this opportunity. Because this is also a way of saying "You are dear to me. And it is important to me that you feel a little easier."

Faith teaches me to look at a person first of all as a soul. Not as a set of roles - husband, wife, breadwinner, keeper of the hearth. We are all on this path. Everyone has their own cross. Who am I to carry mine a little lighter if I can — but I have no right to do so because it might offend someone?

I would like to live in a world where a man can not pay — and remain strong. Where a woman can pay — and not be accused of being too independent. Where you can simply do something out of love and respect, and not out of fear of losing face.

Lana Banana