Why do words hurt so much?

Words penetrate inside. They crash into memory, spin in their heads, give rise to doubts. Especially if they come from a loved one. In a relationship, a partner is the one whose opinion has weight. And when exactly he says: “You do not understand anything”, “It is impossible with you”, “All because of you”-this is perceived as a blow to self-esteem, significantly, for love.

Tone is not always important - the meaning is important

We can say “you are again late” as a fact, but you can - as a reproach, as a generalization, as a hint of disappointment. Even in calm intonation, words can carry cold, accusation, sarcasm. The phrases with “always” and “never” are especially dangerous: “You never listen to me”, “You always don't give a damn about me.” They erase all the good things that were, and make a person hostage to one mistake.

Words remain longer than it seems

Actions can be explained - bad day, stress, circumstances. But what has been said remains. Especially in the conflict. Even if then apologize, the person already heard what was probably afraid to hear - “You are not important to me”, “I am unhappy with you.” It leaves cracks. Not always noticeable immediately, but very stable.

How to speak - and not to hurt?

Firstly, make sure that there are no generalizations and labels in words. Secondly, talk about feelings, not accusations. Not "you angered me," but "I felt anger when it happened." This does not change the essence, but changes perception. And thirdly, to be silent if emotions go off scale. In a state of anger, it is easiest to say what you are sorry for.

Words are a tool. They can warm, inspire, support. And they can - destroy what was built for years. It is important to remember: a loved one hears not just a text. He hears subtext, feels intonation, captures the attitude. And if love is care, then the language is one of its first manifestations. Speak to each other so that after your words you want to be near.