What is an inner child?

This is not about infantility and not about naivety. An inner child is an image of that part of us, which was formed in childhood. These are our early memories, needs, reaction to the world, sensation of ourselves. It is in childhood that we first encounter the concept of love, security, acceptance. And if then something was not enough for us-warmth, attention, approval-we unconsciously begin to look for this in adult relationships.

How does this affect the choice of a partner?

If in childhood love was associated with tension, criticism or cold, we can subconsciously reach for the same people - not because they are suitable for us, but because they are “acquaintances”. Everything seems to be not the way you want, but the inner child recognizes the usual script and clings to it. We choose not the one who will fit us well, but the one who is able to activate our unresolved emotions - in the hope that this time it will end differently.

Examples that are often found

- A person who grew up in a family where he was constantly compared can choose a partner who underestimates him - to prove again that he is worthy of love.
- The one who was ignored can cling to inaccessible people, hoping that he will be noticed now.
- And the one who grew up in the role of a “rescuer” for parents will fall in love with the “wounded” again and again - those who need to be treated, support, pull out.

The first step is to realize. To understand that many of our strong feelings are not only about "here and now", but about "then and there." The second is to learn how to distinguish real compatibility from the emotional script. The third is to give yourself something that was not given then: support, warmth, care. Because a partner is not a parent, and he is not obliged to “to be valid”. But if we ourselves learn to be an adult, relationships become not a search for salvation, but a place of power.

Our children's wounds affect how we love. But this is not a sentence. Understanding where our reactions, fears and desires come from, we get a chance to build relationships not out of lack, but from integrity. And then love becomes not a reproduction of old scenarios, but by a new story - in which there are adults, conscious feelings, and not pain inherited from the past.