Lately I often hear the phrase: "A man should." He should earn. He should be courageous, decisive, wealthy, polite, gallant, listening, silent, talking, attentive, strong - and all this at once. And he should also love, not take offense, not get tired, not complain and at the same time be "on the level" all the time. Even when the world around is falling apart.

Of course, I am not a man. But I watch. I listen. Sometimes I hear more than I would like.

When I just watch how people communicate with each other, I feel a little sad. Many women (I'm speaking generally, don't be offended) say in the style of a registered letter to a prince: "I want him to be generous, reliable, caring, to love children, to know what he wants in life, not to drink, not to smoke, to play sports and to drive a cool car with a V6 engine." And this seems normal - each of us wants something. But sometimes between the lines you can read: "You owe me. Because you are a man."

And here I want to take a pause.

You know, I grew up in a family where my father did not consider it necessary to talk about his problems. He just carried them. On himself. Without complaints. Without "give me something in return." He silently helped, fed, fixed, built, listened, was silent, got tired.

And since then, one clear feeling lives in me - no one owes anything to anyone, if it does not flow from love. If I love - I want, not should. If I care, it is my gift, not a social contract. And in relationships - healthy, living ones - it should be exactly like that.

Why am I writing all this? Probably just to say men, you don't owe anything. Not for dinner, not for coffee, not for a meeting. You are not obliged to be a source of happiness and confidence for a woman who does not want to be a source of warmth and support for you. You are not obliged to be "masculine" if you feel bad. You are not obliged to pay emotional rent for someone's resentment towards the entire male gender.

And you know what's interesting? When I say this, I have no anger or resentment towards women who demand. Rather, pain. Because behind this demand there is often loneliness, fear, fatigue. And instead of healing, we begin to present a bill. Instead of dialogue - a checklist. And in the end, everyone is left with nothing: she - without love, he - without strength.

I don't know a universal recipe, but perhaps it is worth starting with one simple "thank you". Thank you for being there. For trying. For not giving up, even if it doesn't always work out. For wanting to love, even when you yourself are wounded. For not retreating into the shadows, although you could.

Lana Banana