When I hear this, my first reaction is: aha, the person is sociable, doesn't sit at home, knows how to build relationships. But almost immediately after that, something else comes. Something inside clicks, like a light bulb blinking in the kitchen: maybe it's not that simple after all?

You see, the point is not that friendship is bad. On the contrary. Friendship is a huge gift. I believe that true friendship is also part of God's plan: support, a shoulder, honesty, the opportunity to be yourself. As in the Scripture: "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (Proverbs 17:17). But the problem is that "many friends" are often not about true closeness. It can be about superficiality, about the need for approval, about the fear of being alone with oneself. Sometimes - about the inability or unwillingness to go deep.

I have met people who make "friends" easily and quickly - at a party, on a trip, at a new job. They can charm a waiter and get a security guard to talk. They sincerely hug you on the third minute of meeting and say "I feel a kinship with you!" But time passes - and you understand that their friendship is like a shadow from a lantern, it only exists while the light is on. And as soon as you turn it off, it disappears.

I am closer to something else. Slow recognition. True trust. A long journey. When friendship does not begin with five selfies, but with one difficult conversation. When you can not talk for weeks - but at the right moment you will be there. When you are not obliged to think the same way, but are obliged to be honest with each other.

I will be honest, I am afraid of "friendliness without depth". It's like sweet tea without brewing - it's tasty, but you don't want to drink it. And I also think if a person has a lot of friends, doesn't it mean that he has no one really close? Because real closeness takes time. Time, which we have so little of if you drink coffee with new "friends" every weekend.

It can be the other way around. A person says: "I have almost no friends" - and you already tense up inside. But it's worth talking a little longer - and you see no, he's just careful. He knows how to be alone. He's not afraid of silence. He doesn't look for a crowd, because he's already met himself. And, maybe, with God too.

What do you think?

There is another, not the most pleasant moment, which is not usually spoken about out loud. Sometimes it's hard to understand who is with you - as a human being, and who - because it's comfortable and... profitable to be around you. Over the years, I began to feel this more acutely. No, no one asks directly. Everything seems friendly: "Let's go to a restaurant - you often go there anyway", or "You probably have something in your closet that you're already tired of - but it would suit me perfectly", or this favorite: "You're planning a vacation anyway, take me with you, it's more fun together!" It might be more fun - but then there's the aftertaste. I don't mind sharing - to be honest, I even enjoy it. But when you realize that your attention is bought not with the soul, but with a thirst for comfort, you get lonely. Not in the sense that there is no one around - but in the sense that there are the wrong ones around.

Maybe it sounds offensive or overly sensitive. But try to understand for yourself with whom you are truly on an equal footing if you pay all the time. Even just for dinner. Even just for a taxi. Even just for someone's mood. It looks like friendship, but in reality it's role playing. You are like a well-being, around which it is pleasant to revolve. And at some point you stop being a person with an inner world, with faith, with vulnerability. You become "the one who has", and this is very lonely. Especially when you really need not entertainment, but just a warm, honest conversation, without counting, without expectations, without self-interest.

Lana Banana