At first glance, it’s harmless. But more and more often I notice how cold calculation hides behind all this beautiful tinsel. And it makes me sad.

I’ve heard stories in our office more than once. One told how he was asked out on a date… only to have him pay for an expensive dinner and hear “well, you’re nice, but there’s no chemistry between us.” Another told how after a couple of dates the girl directly said that she was looking for a man willing to take out a mortgage and immediately “fit” her into his life. The third was silent altogether, but there was something so tired in his eyes, as if he just wanted to be heard, not appreciated.

I’m not writing this to judge anyone. The woman herself. And I know that each of them has their own story, their own fears, their own wounds. Often, behind this “use” of men, there is an elementary fear of being used first. Or loneliness, which makes them grab at any chance. But even so... This does not justify the coldness with which some ladies sometimes behave.

In the Catholic tradition - and it means a lot to me - there is one simple truth: every person is not a means, but an end. This is someone who needs to be loved, not used. Not “to take advantage of his kindness”, not “to squeeze out resources”, not “to achieve convenience”. But - to know, to understand, to support. To be close. To serve. If we are going to talk about love, then this is exactly the key.

And to be honest, I am very sorry that men so often have to be in the position of “prove that you are worthy”. As if they are on display. As if their entire value is in their salary, car and ability to give compliments. Yes, of course, courtship is beautiful. Yes, caring is manly. But where is that moment when a woman simply sees a man, his essence, his vulnerability, his soul?

If you are reading this, and you are a man who has ever been told: "you should", "you must", "you are not up to par" - please know that you are not alone. And you are valuable. Not because of your income, height, or how many compliments you can give. But simply because you exist.

I am not saying that all women are like this. Of course not. There are those who are truly searching. Who know how to love. Who do not want to consume, but want to grow together. But I admit - sometimes there are fewer of them than we would like.

Maybe it is time for all of us - both men and women - to return to the simple idea that the person next to you is not a project, not a step, not a convenience. It is a soul. It is a miracle. It is someone whom God also loves - and perhaps trusts you in particular.

And the woman who sees the real you will come not when you arrange everything for her, but when you are just yourself. With your fears, hopes and faith.

With God.

Lana Banana