Care: The warmth that gives freedom

Caring in a relationship is when a partner is interested in your well -being, helps, supports, respects the boundaries. This is not about constant checks and comments, but about trust. Caring is freedom to be yourself, knowing that you will be accepted, even if you are not always convenient. It is built on the desire to give, and not take control.

Control: an attempt to protect yourself, not another

Control rarely looks aggressive at the beginning. He comes with “I am just worried”, “I am unpleasant when you are with friends”, “Why didn't you answer right away?” He requires a report, alarms when you choose something yourself. Control is not about taking care of you, it is about the fear of another person to lose influence or a sense of stability. This is about him, not about you.

Why do people control?

The root is often in anxiety and uncertainty. People who survived betrayal or have grown in an atmosphere of mistrust begin to control because they are afraid. They are afraid to be forgotten, deceived, unnecessary. It seems to them that if you keep everything under control, feelings will be safe. But this is an illusion. Because love is not a cage. And the stronger the grilles, the faster you want to escape from it.

How to understand that you are controlled?

If you often feel guilty for your actions, even the most harmless. If you are embarrassed to say about a meeting with friends or decide something without approval. If the partner is offended when you spend time alone with you. If you make excuses more than you share. All these are alarming signals that the concern crossed the line.

How to talk about it in a couple?

It is important to speak directly, but softly: "I am important for me, but I do not have enough air." Or: "I feel that I must constantly make excuses, and it tires me." Often a partner does not realize what he controls. And if relations are important, you can build borders together - without threats, accusations and ultimatums.

Caring is when a person is near, but not above the soul. Control - when near, but on a leash. It is important to be able to distinguish one from the other and not to confuse love with anxiety. Because real proximity is where there is a choice. And the more in the relationship of respect for freedom, the stronger the connection becomes. Without pressure. Without fear. Really.