There is something in the night that always strips you down to your most subtle thoughts. During the day, everything is noisy and distracting, but at night, silence does not forgive lies. I like to leave the window open and listen to the city breathing. Even if it breathes heavily - with cars, other people's windows, rare voices in the yard.
Sometimes it seems to me that if I lived in the forest, everything would be exactly the same. I would hear the branches cracking or the house creaking in the wind. I love any sound that reminds me that I am not alone.
I have a strange habit of falling asleep to the noise of someone else's voice. Sometimes it's an old movie, sometimes a podcast or an audiobook. The voice works like an anchor - it catches thoughts and takes them in one direction, rather than letting them hang around in the corners.
Sometimes I can lie in the dark and listen to my neighbors smoking in the stairwell. Whispering about something, arguing, or just coughing. These sounds are strangely calming - someone else's life always sounds like a background to which you can put your own dreams.
I always keep a warm blanket and a cup of water at hand - never tea or coffee, just clean water. Sometimes it seems that it is the water that helps me not to choke on my own words at night.
I like to wake up at night and know that everything that is mine is nearby. My favorite robe, the soft light of a nightlight, my phone under my pillow, my cat on my feet. Maybe I just don't know how to fall asleep completely alone.
I never turn off my phone at night - let something glow and blink, as if someone is breathing nearby. Maybe I'm one of those who find it easier to fall asleep when the world is awake.
Sometimes I want to move to a place where there are no stairwells and old wires. But then I think - would I hear all this if there were only trees around? Maybe it really doesn't matter where you sleep if it's always noisy inside.
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