Vulnerability = weakness?

Since childhood, many of us have been inspired that “do not cry”, “do not complain”, “be strong”. As a result, vulnerability begins to be associated not with honesty, but with defeat. And in the relationship - especially where the bets are high - we want to seem perfect. Funny, light, comfortable. We are afraid that it is only worth opening your “present” face - and we will be loving, rejected, they will not accept.

Why does this interfere with real proximity

The paradox is that it is vulnerability that makes the relationship alive. When we frankly say: “I am scared”, “I worry that I will lose you”, “I am not always coping” - we invite a partner inside ourselves. In your real, imperfect world. But if we constantly hide feelings, keep the distance, we pretend that everything is “under control” - the connection becomes superficial. She ceases to be about “us” and turns into a performance.

What prevents us from opening before a partner?

- Fear to be misunderstood.
- The experience of the past rejection.
- The desire to seem “strong” or “self -sufficient”.
- Perfectionism and internal anxiety.
- The uncertainty that the partner is able to carefully accept our emotions.

These reasons can be understood. They do not make us bad. But if you do not notice them, they will quietly destroy trust and warmth.

How to learn to be real

Gradually. It is not necessary to lay out everything at once. You can start small: confess to fatigue, ask for support, say that you need silence, and not in the council. Vulnerability is not weakness, but trust. And if nearby is a person who is really with you, he will not turn away. On the contrary, most likely, he will breathe a sigh of relief and also remove his mask.

We are afraid to seem vulnerable - because we are afraid to be rejected. But real proximity begins where we decide: "I will show myself as it is, even if it’s scary." This is what true love is born. Not between two ideal, but between the two living.