Silence as a punishment

One of the most severe manifestations is silence in response to a quarrel or resentment. When instead of dialogue, a person simply “goes into the shadow”. He does not explain, does not say, does not react. This behavior causes powerlessness: you do not know that it is not the way to behave, and how to return contact. It can be perceived as a form of emotional pressure: "Until you apologize/do not guess/will not change - I do not talk to you."

Silence is like fear

Sometimes a partner is silent not because he wants to punish, but because he is afraid. He is afraid to aggravate the conflict, afraid to be misunderstood or ridiculed. But this silence is also painful. When one is afraid to say, and the other is afraid not to hear, the wall grows between them. Both suffer, but isolated. And without bridges - it turns alone together.

Why is it so painful?

Because the silence of the partner is often interpreted as indifference. It seems to us that if he (or she) does not say, then he doesn’t care. So the feelings cooled down. Or worse, it means that he no longer considers it necessary to hear us. It is especially difficult when the silence lasts a long time, without explanation. This gives rise to fantasies, fears, resentments that grow inside without exit.

Can I learn to speak?

Yes. But for this you need two. One - who will decide to ask the question: “You are silent because you are angry or because you don’t know what to say?” Another - who will be honestly answered, even uncertainly. Recognize: “I don’t know how to talk now, but I'm with you” is already a step. Learning to speak is a process. Without accusations. Respectfully to the feelings of both. With patience.

Silence can be different. It can be a pause for a pause, or maybe a cold wall. It is important to be able to distinguish between these conditions. And remember: even if there are no words, there are feelings. And if the relationship of the road, you need to look for the language in which you will be heard again. Because the silence should be soothe, not break.