For example. You write: “Have you arrived?” — and this could be care, or it could be control. It all depends on what is behind this question. I used to get confused myself. When I was not answered right away, I started to get nervous, to think things through, to scroll through our correspondence, to look for reasons. And then I realized: if I really care, then this question is not out of fear, but out of warm concern. The answer will come — and that’s fine. The main thing is for the person to feel that they are being waited for, not checked.

I had a case. I was walking with a friend and her boyfriend in the park, and he said, “I don’t like being asked where I am and who I’m with.” I tensed up a bit. I’d heard that too often from people who just didn’t want to be honest. But he continued, “I want to be trusted, not controlled. And if they don’t trust me, then what’s the point?”
And then it hit me. He wasn’t giving up on intimacy. He wanted it — but without cages, without interrogations. And that was damn attractive.

I don’t want to be a policeman in someone’s life. I don’t want to build a relationship where every message turns into a report. But I also don’t want to feel like I’m “not supposed” to ask, to be interested, to worry.

For me, caring is when you put a chocolate bar in someone’s pocket because you know they’re having a hard day. When you cover them with a blanket, even if they’re already asleep. When you don't call ten times in a row, but still write "I'm here if anything happens." It's all about attention, but without pressure.

Control is different. It's when your love is turned into an anxious suitcase full of fears. Who, where, with whom, when, why didn't you write. Everything turns into a game with suspicions, and there's no time for tenderness.

Probably, one day we all learn to be calmer when we feel that we are trusted. When there is no need to constantly prove that you are on the person's side. And this gives freedom - not running away, but warm, like a blanket in the morning.

So yes. I do not confuse care and control. I want to be close, not on a leash. I want to choose when to share and what. And in the same way - so that the man next to me feels free and confident that he will not be suspected for every step.

This is trust. Simple, calm. Without unnecessary noise. And if it is there, everything else becomes easier.

Valeria