Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night for no reason. The silence of the house is deafening, only the refrigerator hums like an old friend who hears everything, but will never tell you anything. And I go to the kitchen. The floor is cold, my fingers cling to the coolness of the tiles. I open the refrigerator door and look inside for a long time, as if I'm waiting to find answers to my questions among the cans and bags.

I usually take orange or grape juice. I pour it into a tall glass, lean my elbows on the countertop and take the first sip. At that moment, everything inside seems to freeze - and then turn on again. The world stops being heavy. I don’t think about what someone expects from me. I don’t think about the to-do list, or the strange phrases thrown out by strangers in a hurry. I just drink juice and hear the city breathing somewhere far beyond the walls.

One day I thought — why do I need this? Why get up at night and take away the sweetest minutes of sleep? The answer didn’t come right away. Because this ritual is a small act of resistance. Resistance to completely dissolving in other people, in other people’s plans and schedules. This is my quiet “I am here.” I can stop the night and just be myself — with sticky lips from sweet juice and coolness under my feet.

Maybe if someone saw me at such moments, they would say: “What are you doing? Go to bed, you have to get up early tomorrow.” And I would smile and not listen. Because these three minutes between sleep and sleep are mine. And strangely, they bring back the feeling of childhood. When you could secretly get up at night, drink juice or water straight from the bottle, listen to the house creak in the dark, and believe that everything will be fine.

I love this juice not for the taste. But because with it I can hear myself. I know that tomorrow I will get up again at 7, do all the chores, answer all the letters and write to someone that everything is okay. But tonight, at 3:07, I am barefoot in the kitchen again. And the world belongs to me.

Would you ever try this - wake up in the middle of the night and just drink juice? What would you choose - orange, apple or tomato?