I catch myself thinking that I don't want to change you. I don't want to remake you, explain how to do it, upgrade you, as if you were an application that does not live up to my standards. I don't want to be your teacher, psychotherapist, motivator, rescuer or personal growth manager.

I just want to be with the one who already exists.
With all his peculiarities, hesitations, silences, pauses, fears and stubbornness. With his tenderness, which may not be like in the movies. With his harshness, which sometimes says more than silence. With his rhythm, which does not always coincide with mine.

I do not want to build an "ideal man".
I want to feel how he breathes next to me.
I want to see how he falls asleep.
I want to know that he is not pretending to be "convenient for a relationship".

I do not need you to be someone else.
You are already enough.
With all your "too" and "not enough".
I am not looking for perfection - I am looking for a living person.

Sometimes I am afraid that it is rare to just be. Not to remake each other, not to "work on the relationship", but simply to meet at this point where two people - with baggage, with mistakes, with fatigue - decided to stay. Just to be. Not because they have to, but because they want to.

I do not need promises, to-do lists, compatibility checklists.
Looks, touches, silence in which you are comfortable are important to me. It is important to me that you do not pretend to be better.

You are already good.

Maybe I am not perfect in some way. Maybe someone in me lacks depth, lightness, the right words, impeccability or something else. But I do not want to be a project. I want to be myself. And to be next to you - the way you are.

To love does not mean to mold.
To love is sometimes just to sit next to. Not to interfere with being yourself. Not to disturb the soul with your expectations. Not to strive for control.

And yes, I am still alone. Maybe precisely because there are few of those "just to be".
But I'd rather wait. I'm not in a hurry.

💫 Because one day someone will sit next to me - not to remake, not to squeeze into a template, not to evaluate - but just to be. And at that moment, maybe for the first time, it will become truly calm.

Masha