Scenarios are absorbed unconsciously

We learn love, like everything else, observing. In childhood, the family becomes the first model by which we perceive relationships. How people talk, quarrel, put up, who in the couple decides, who is inferior, how care is or vice versa - coldness. All this is recorded in us - not as a theory, but as a norm. Even if in the moment we suffered from these models, they become familiar. So - "safe" for the subconscious.

The usual is stronger than the conscious

Even if we want other relationships with reason, internal automatisms work earlier. We unconsciously choose partners with whom you can reproduce a familiar scenario. For example, if in the family one of the parents was detached, we can attract a cold, emotionally inaccessible person. Because it is familiar. So, not scary. Although it can be painful.

Unrealized children's needs

Often we repeat the script unconsciously - to “finish” children's pain. Find the one who looks like a parent and “correct” the situation: to achieve love that they have not received, earn attention, to receive approval. This may look like a passionate attraction as “chemistry” - but in reality it is an attempt to rewrite an old story. Unfortunately, most often such an attempt leads to a repeat of pain, and not to its healing.

Can you get out of the scenarios? Yes. But for this it should be noted. To stop and honestly ask yourself: “What reminds me of the past in this relationship? Whose model is this - mine or borrowed? " It is important to learn to recognize your real desires and distinguish them from the usual roles. Sometimes working with a psychologist helps, sometimes frank conversations with oneself and with a partner. The main thing is to afford to live your own, not someone else's story.

We are not obliged to repeat someone else's scenario, even if it comes from the family. We can be more attentive to ourselves, to our feelings and reactions. And step by step to build the proximity that is really ours. Not according to the template. Not out of fear. And from a conscious choice - to be with someone who sees us real, and with whom you can create a completely new, healthy love story.