As if I have to work for it, pay, prove that I really deserve it. Probably, this is because in my head there is a habit of living by the rules - everything for something. But mercy... it is something completely different. It is when God generously gives love and forgiveness, when there is nothing I could do to "deserve" it. It is like a light that just is and warms. ☀️

Sometimes I think that this is exactly what my faith is - not in merit, but in acceptance. Learning to accept His love, as He accepts me, without conditions. It is difficult, but I am trying. I try every day not to argue with myself, not to push away this grace, not to look for a catch, not to doubt that I am worthy.

You know, there is some childish naivety in this and at the same time incredible strength. Faith that despite all the mistakes and fears, despite loneliness, despite all this uncertainty, God still loves and gives. And that I can just be myself and accept this gift. It is liberating. And frightening at the same time. Because you need to stop fighting, stop controlling. Just relax and say "yes". 🙏

I think that this grace is not only from God, but also from people. Sometimes it seems that attention, care, kind words are such small manifestations of grace that we do not always know how to accept. And this is also a lesson. Allow yourself to feel worthy of these simple joys and gifts, without making excuses and without embarrassment.

It often seems that you need to be strong, independent, not show weakness. But grace is precisely the recognition of one's weakness and the acceptance of the strength that comes from it. It's like allowing oneself to be vulnerable and at the same time protected. I'm learning not to hide this vulnerability, but to see it as a part of myself that God does not reject.

Sometimes I think that loneliness is the time when we learn to accept this grace especially keenly. When there is no other person nearby to simply share joy or pain. Then God is especially close, because He gives us Himself. And I understand that this is the most valuable thing - just learning to accept, and not to fight. This is a lesson for life.

It seems to me that many are afraid to accept grace, because it means giving up control, from the idea that you have to deserve everything. But grace is about love that is given just like that. I want to learn to accept it easily, like breathing. Without fear and doubt.

Do you have something that is difficult for you to just take without thinking? Maybe grace too? Or attention? Or love? I wonder how you cope with this.

These are my thoughts. I just wanted to share them now, without drama or lectures. Just be honest with yourself.

Mashka