Attachment to those who are not ready for proximity - this is not only about love. This is, first of all, about the internal scenarios laid down in us since childhood. If in our past the emotional proximity was unpredictable or inaccessible (for example, one of the parents was cold, often disappeared, or love had to be “deserved”), then in adulthood it was precisely this dynamics that it seems to us “our own”.

The paradox is that the heart is looking for not only happiness, but also a repetition of familiar feelings. Even if these feelings are pain, uncertainty, anxiety. It seems to us that if we can “force” an inaccessible person to open a heart, then as if we rewriting our personal story, heal the old wounds. This is an emotional trap.

In addition, the fear of real proximity - oddly enough it sounds - maybe on our side. When we choose those who are not ready for rapprochement, we unconsciously avoid our own vulnerability. After all, if a person is originally “far away”, then the risk of being rejected in deep contact seems to be less. We suffer - yes. But this suffering is more “controlled” than the fear of being really seen and not like.

It is important to notice: attachment is not always love. Sometimes this is a dependence, reinforced by rare “crumbs” of attention, promises without action, emotional swings. We hold on to the idea who this person could be, and not for the reality, which is before our eyes.

How to get out of this circle? Start with honesty in front of you. Stop devaluing your needs: in reliability, warmth, frankness. Allow yourself to want more. And ask yourself an important question: "What keeps me here if I do not get what I need?" The answer to it is the key to release.

Love should not be a struggle for attention. She is not about anxiety and expectation, but about reciprocity, in which you are not happy with “from time to time”, but every day. And you deserve just such intimacy.