I like being alone. Honestly. There’s something calm about it. Pure. I know where my boundaries are, I know what makes me happy, what irritates me, what hurts me. And all this without explaining it to anyone. No need to think about how to formulate it correctly so as not to offend. No need to pretend that I’m okay today if I’m not. I just am. That’s how I am. Without a show.

But still, when you come home at night and hear someone making noise in the neighboring apartment — laughing, putting the kettle on — it becomes a little empty. Not tragic. Not like in the movies, where there are tears running down your cheeks and drama. Just quiet. A little too much.

And I catch myself not knowing what I want. Love? Or just someone who will be there. Not for passions and emotional outbursts, but just... there. Someone who will not exhaust me. Someone who will not swing. Someone who will not say "you are too sensitive" or "calm down." But on the contrary. Will say: "I am here. I see you." And that will be enough

I am not looking for a "soul mate." I am whole. Even if in places battered by life, but whole. And I do not need someone to be complete. Sometimes I just want to lean my cheek against someone and be silent. Not because I have nothing to say. But because it is so calm.

I do not want my heart to jump out of my chest. I want it to beat evenly. With him. With someone who does not make a project out of me. Who does not confuse intimacy with a storm. Who is not afraid of pauses. Who doesn't play "guess what she feels", but just asks. And listens.

I guess I'm just tired of people after whom you want to relax. I want to be with someone with whom after meeting you are not at zero, but on the contrary - as if recharged 🔋

Maybe I think too much. Maybe I have some wrong expectations. Or maybe I just haven't met the one with whom even silence will sound like music.

Sometimes it seems to me that love is not when there are butterflies in your stomach. But when you can fall asleep next to someone without putting on armor. When you are you. Without filters. Without falsehood. When you can just be. And you are not only tolerated, but chosen. Every day. Without loud words. Without promises until death. Simply - chosen. Here and now. ❤️‍🩹

That's how I think today. And tomorrow, maybe everything will change again 🙂

Mari