Dependence is often masked under passion. It is intense, painfully attractive, it seems "fateful." But in it - more fear than freedom. We are afraid to lose, and this feeling is stronger than the desire to be near. Dependence says: "I can’t live without you." And love is "I feel good with you, but I will remain myself, even if you are not there."

We confuse feelings with dependence because we were so "taught" - in families where love was given with the condition. Where love had to be deserved, afraid to lose, constantly prove your need. We grow up and again choose those who “keep us in good shape”, who prevents them from relaxing. So familiar and so dangerous.

Another reason is internal deficiency. When it is empty inside, I want someone to come and fill. But another person cannot be a medicine. And the more we demand from him to "save", the less real proximity remains. Relations turn into an emotional transaction: I suffer - you stay. I'm afraid - you will console.

And love is not a constant need. This is an exchange. This is the joy of seeing another, and not just the relief that he did not go anywhere. Love is an adult "I choose", and not the children's "do not leave me."

How to understand that you are dependent, and not in love? Ask yourself: are you worried or calmly for you? Do you lose yourself near or open? Are you afraid of loneliness or do you want to be with this person?

The way out is in returning to yourself. Not to reject intimacy, but to come to it complete. Then you can love - not out of fear, not out of emptiness, not out of need.