And everything seems to be perfect. But instead of the usual communication, you catch dirty looks. Someone looks at you warily, someone immediately draws conclusions. As if if you look good, it means that you definitely have inflated expectations, you are arrogant or you have already been given "everything".

But in fact, you are simply trying to be the best version of yourself. For yourself. Because it is easier to breathe when the body is mobile and light. Because the mirror does not drive you into melancholy, but on the contrary, it lifts your spirits. Because sports are not only about the body, but also about the head. And well-groomedness is not about status, but about care. But for some reason all this reads like a signal "don't come near". As if the external immediately replaces the internal. And I feel a little offended.

You don't say loudly that you are alone, that sometimes you want a shoulder, so that he would just be silently near, without words. That you don't want recognition, but the silence in an embrace. That you are tired of being "independent", simply because there is no one to trust. That you don't want to be someone's "victory", you want to be a choice. But you look confident. And that means you are definitely not suffering. That means you don't need anyone.

And here is the paradox - the better you look, the further away people become from you. The external begins to speak for you, but it says something completely different. And to be honest, a slight irritation appears inside. Because you seem to be doing everything right - but all the time it seems like you are not going in the right direction. And not because there is something wrong with you. But because it is more convenient for someone to believe in a myth than to take a risk and see the real thing.

It's just funny how the more you pull yourself together, the less often someone is willing to be there so you don't have to do it all alone.

✨ Marie