And I still believe in that, mostly. There's real power in it.

But I'm starting to notice something that makes me uncomfortable. When you spend all your energy inspiring others, you never develop the habit of inspiring yourself. You become so focused on being excellent for someone else's benefit that you forget to ask: what do *I* want? Who do *I* want to become?

I've been so careful to be the kind of woman who makes men want to be better that I haven't asked if I'm becoming the kind of woman *I* want to be. And those are different questions.

My faith teaches me about my role in the world, and I honor that. But I'm realizing that being a woman of inspiration doesn't mean disappearing into that role entirely. It doesn't mean having no ambitions that aren't connected to someone else's journey. It doesn't mean that my purpose is only visible when reflected in someone else's eyes.

Maybe I can be inspiring *and* ambitious. Maybe I can create beauty *and* create something meaningful for myself. Maybe those things aren't in competition.

I'm not sure how to hold both yet. But I'm learning that they need to coexist or I disappear. 🌸