But now I'm asking different questions, and the answers I was given don't fit anymore. 😔

I started reading books that weren't approved by my faith community. I started thinking about things differently. I started questioning whether the things I was taught were universal truths or just cultural beliefs dressed up as divine wisdom. And once you see that difference, you can't unsee it.

The problem is that my entire social world is built on this faith. My family, my friends, my sense of belonging—it's all connected to this religion that I'm no longer sure I believe in. If I leave, I lose everything. If I stay, I lose myself.

And I can't talk to anyone about this because in my community, doubt is contagious. If I express what I'm thinking, I become a threat. People will pray for my soul while subtly distancing themselves. I'll become the cautionary tale.

So I'm stuck in this limbo where I no longer believe what I'm supposed to believe, but I'm not brave enough to actually leave. I'm just going through the motions, playing a part, waiting to see if something will change or if I'll eventually find a way to make the old beliefs fit again. But I don't think they will.