Detailing instead of generalities

The secret to a good compliment is its accuracy. General phrases are universal, which means they are not about anyone in particular. Flattery is always large-scale and vague, sincerity is detailed. Instead of praising a person's appearance in general, try pointing out a person's specific choices: "You have a great sense of style, that shade goes really well with your eyes." When you note a detail, you make it clear: “I see you. I am attentive to you." This inspires much more trust than the standard set of pleasantries.

Compliment an action, not a fact

The most powerful words of admiration are not about innate qualities, but about conscious choice or effort. Praising natural beauty is pleasant, but safe. Praising someone for a witty joke, their ability to handle a difficult situation in a restaurant, or an interesting take on a movie is recognition of their personality. When you say, “I like the way you talk about this book, you have an unusual approach,” you are emphasizing intelligence and taste. Such words hit the mark, because each of us wants to be valued not only for our outer shell, but also for our inner world.

The best compliment is the one given in the moment, without much preparation. In mid-March, when everyone is in the mood for renewal, it is very important to catch these sparks of lively interest. If you sincerely liked something in your partner’s behavior or words, say so right away. But it is important to remember the balance: there should not be too many compliments. One accurate, honest comment weighs more than a dozen enthusiastic exclamations.

The art of a compliment is, first of all, about your powers of observation. Learn to notice in people what they value in themselves, but rarely hear from others. This is the magic that turns an ordinary date into the beginning of something really important.