Yesterday, I watched a documentary about how cows can form friendships, and my heart melted.
That’s it, I decided: from this day on, I am a vegetarian.
No steaks.
No meatballs.
Only vegetables.
Grains.
Pure karma.

In the morning, I proudly ate oatmeal made with water, feeling like a saint!

By eleven in the morning, my karma began demanding offerings..
By one in the afternoon, I started noticing that all my colleagues in the office smelled like... bacon. Even the ones who hadn't eaten lunch.
My brain started painting pictures:
Juicy sausages
Tender pâté
Grandma’s meat turnovers
I honestly tried to gnaw on a carrot, but it looked at me with pity :((

The climax happened when I went to the store for soy milk and accidentally passed the deli section.
There she was.
A rotisserie chicken.
She gleamed under the store lights like a gold bar.
And at that moment, I realized: I am not the savior of the planet. I am the weak link in the food chain!

I bought that chicken.
I ate it in the car before even getting home, like a true criminal hiding evidence.

Was I ashamed? A little.
Was it delicious? God, it was the best thing that happened to me in the last 24 hours!

All in all, my experiment with vegetarianism lasted exactly 6 hours and 15 minutes. Perhaps I just love animals too much... especially when they are well-prepared.
Sorry, planet, I’ll try to save you some other way.
For example, I’ll turn off the light in the bathroom.