Expecting perfection, we subconsciously look not for a person, but for a function. We need our partner to cover our deficits: to always be in a good mood when we are sad; was always predictable when we were worried; I always looked like I was on the cover. But a partner is a separate person who has his own fatigue, his own “cockroaches” and his own right to be “imperfect”.

When we demand that another person meet our list of characteristics, we stop seeing him as a living person. We see only a template that constantly falls short of our ideal. This leads to endless attempts to “finish off” the partner, which only causes resistance and distance in response.

Why flaws are the glue of relationships

Paradoxically, it is our imperfections that make us close. You cannot build a dialogue with an ideal, you can only exist next to it. But you can negotiate with a real person.

Accepting that your partner has the right to be late, not like the same TV show as you, or need time alone from time to time is a sign of deep respect. This is a signal: “I see the real you, and you are dear to me just like that, with all your angles.” It is in these moments, when we stop expecting impeccability from the other, that very relaxation arises in which true intimacy is born.

Where is the line between acceptance and self-deception?

Of course, this does not mean that you need to accept everything. There are fundamental things: values, attitude towards you, respect for your boundaries. But “perfection” and “integrity” are different categories. Accepting imperfection means accepting that a person may be out of sorts after work or have habits that annoy you a little. Tolerating toxicity is an attempt to pass off destructive behavior as “less than ideal.”

Ask yourself, “Is this flaw interfering with our overall happiness, or does it simply not fit into my fantasy of what an ideal relationship “should be?”

At the end of March, on the threshold of April, it’s time to review your expectations. This week, try to consciously “forgive” your partner for one small habit that used to irritate you. You will be surprised how much this will change the atmosphere in a couple. Giving up the idea of ​​perfection is not giving up standards. It's making room for something much more valuable: a living, honest, and evolving love that isn't afraid to be imperfect.