It all started with beautiful clips where girls in bright jumpsuits gracefully carve the snow, and I, of course, decided I was born for this, but reality in the person of instructor and a heavy board quickly brought me down to earth—or rather, face-first into a snowbank 😂

-"Hello, I want the prettiest board to match my eyes!" I declared at the rental, to which the guy just sighed, handing me huge boots that made even standing a challenge.

On the slope, instructor was brief:
-"Listen up, weight on the front leg and go"

I tried to press down, and the board did dart forward—only it went to the bottom while I went flat into the snow😂

-"Ahem, I think I lost my self-respect along with my center of gravity..." I wheezed, spitting out snow, while he calmly replied that it was a classic "face-snow" move and the minimum program was complete😂😂

Next, we learned the "back edge," where you have to squat like you're on an invisible toilet, and I ended up landing so hard on my butt that the bruise promised to be the size of Greenland😂😂

-"Instructor, look, I'm moving! How do I turn?! I don't want to hit that fence!"
I screamed when the board finally obeyed, but instead of turning, I just catapulted at full speed straight into the instructor...

We both tumbled into a drift in a ball of arms, legs, and bindings, and instructor, shaking off the snow, philosophically noted that with such determination, I’d be better off playing chess... ))

But I know: even if I'm wet and have an icicle under my nose, I'm a real snowboarder now, and chess can wait! 😉