Whether we've had close relationships or not, everyone strives for intimacy. Some are luckier than others, but whether you've known intimacy since childhood or, on the contrary, have had a different experience, it's possible to build close relationships, regardless of the past context.

But we often run from close relationships. Why?

Close relationships are a place where we can bask in the warmth of loved ones, care for them, and feel cared for, but they're also a place where we can get hurt.

Close relationships are when we allow people to get so close that they easily hurt us. All our deepest wounds and hurts have been inflicted by loved ones far more often than by others. In close relationships, we are open and vulnerable. So does this mean it's better not to build close relationships?

Unfortunately, many choose this very path and build distant relationships. Or relationships based on manipulation. Or based on formalities. Or codependency.

So as not to get hurt.

When you approach someone with an open heart and are left alone with it because they can't yet reciprocate, you'll likely feel rejection and pain, maybe even resentment.

But this is certainly a situation you'd like to avoid.

If your close relationships in the past weren't cloudless, but rather often traumatic, you'll likely prefer to maintain a certain isolation from other people.

If you've overtaken yourself in relationships with others, this situation will likely take its toll on you. And even if you've significantly accelerated these relationships, you'll want to pull back.

Hugging, oddly enough, also turns out to be a way to avoid close contact. Imagine a situation where someone for whom you have tender, mutual feelings comes up to you and says, "You're very special to me." You hug to avoid seeing their eyes! Chances are, when the hug ends and you look at each other again, you'll feel the same awkwardness you felt a few seconds ago. But since you've already embraced, the contact can end. You go your separate ways.

One way to avoid intimacy is to engage with as many people as possible. If you're the life of the party, this is easy, and the interactions can even be very warm. But ask yourself this question when you return from another party: were you even there? Did you enjoy yourself? Did you get closer to any of those people than usual?