My own.

The first few months after my breakup, I found myself with a surprising amount of free time in the apartment.

At first, I thought I was bored.

Then I realized—no.

It felt unusual.

I was used to discussing where to go in the evening. What to buy for home. How to spend the weekend. Even what pizza to order.

When these questions suddenly became my own, it turned out I didn't even know what I wanted.

It was an unpleasant discovery.

I could spend an hour choosing a movie because someone else used to choose.

I could open a delivery and close it ten minutes later.

I could stand in front of the closet and think, "Who should I dress nicely for today?"

The answer was unexpected.

For myself.

Not in the sense of "love yourself, buy a candle, and take a bath."

But much more prosaic.

I needed to reacquaint myself with the woman who lives in my body.

Find out what she likes.

Where she wants to go.

What she's afraid of.

What she can't stand anymore.

That's probably why loneliness is sometimes painful.

It strips you of all your usual roles.

And leaves you without the scenery.

But then you can build a life that's truly yours.

Not very Instagrammable.

But real.