At number forty-eight, I realized I didn't need a man, I needed a new notebook.

Item #3: "He says all his exes are crazy."

Item #7: "He calls jealousy proof of love."

Item #11: "He doesn't know how to apologize, but he knows how to explain why it's your fault."

Item #18: "He thinks a normal woman should..."

After this point, the list became very long.

But then I stopped.

Because I realized something unpleasant.

I've been making lists of what a man should NOT be like all this time.

But I've never once asked myself: what should my life be like with him?

And that turned out to be much more interesting.

I want to laugh.

I want to feel calm.

I want the right to change my mind.

I want someone I don't have to constantly guess at.

I want to argue without fear of being punished by silence.

I want love to not feel like a job.

And suddenly my 47 points stopped being a list of demands.

They turned out to be a list of my boundaries.

I guess growing up is when you stop looking for the perfect person.

And start looking for relationships where you don't have to disappear.

Closed.

Going to dinner. 😄