Lovely Svetlana,

I enjoyed your piece on jealousy, but I think you left out a very significant factor: trust.

Along with love, there must come trust. In fact, true love includes trust.

Each partner must be worthy of trust. This is a conscious act. Part of this is to not put yourself in suspicious circumstances. Another part is to not assume that you know what is happening without the facts.

Many years ago, I was performing at a night club. The band was rehearsing during the day, and we had just taken a coffee break. Now this club was right near a race track, and the club provided a shuttle bus to and from the track so its customers could watch the races and place wagers. After the races, the shuttle bus brought the customers back to the club. Of course, sometimes the people would have a couple of drinks at the race track, then come back to the club for, perhaps, a few more.
As the people streamed into the club from the shuttle bus, a woman recognized me from the band, and, being a bit tipsy, she plopped into my lap and put her arm around me and said "hello." This was a harmless, though a bit overly friendly, act. There was no romantic or sexual attraction on either of our parts.
At that VERY second, my wife walked in the door.
Of course, I was in a suspicious circumstance, and my wife did not know the facts.
Needless to say, an argument ensued. My wife over reacted, and I over reacted to her over reaction. Eventually we worked the situation out , but it was embarrassing, to say the least.

Years later, different wife.

We had gone to a night club where my friend's band played. We would dance, and I would sit in with the band. My wife danced as I played music.
After a bit, it became apparent that some man was smitten by my wife. At the break, I came down from the bandstand and sat with my wife. I asked, "Are you OK? Is that guy giving you a hard time?" She said, "Yes, but I can handle it." I said, "If you need me, let me know."
There was no doubt that she could, and no doubt that she would handle it. I never spoke to the man. There was no scene, no argument. After the situation was over, I looked at her and said, "Well, you can't fault the man's taste!" We had a laugh, finished our evening and went home.

There is lack of trust in one situation, and trust in the other.

Trust is a decision.

Trust negates jealousy. You make a conscious decision to trust. This is why I say that love is an act, not a feeling.

When you decide to trust, there is no room for jealousy.

David