It used to even seem funny—in ninth grade, when my classmates would put hearts on photos of guys five years older. And now I've been down that path myself, only on a more serious scale.

But you know what? It's easier to breathe with them.

Does that sound strange for a "newbie"? Probably. But when there's a man nearby who doesn't jump over puddles every half hour and doesn't need constant confirmation of his importance—it's like a sip of water on a hot day.

To be honest, I'm still learning. I'm learning to read between the lines. I'm learning not to panic when something goes wrong. Sometimes I make myself laugh with my helplessness—like I'm telling a story, and then I realize it sounds completely childish.

And at that moment, I remember that I need someone who takes this calmly.

Not laughing.
Not disciplining.
Not retreating into silence for three days to "think."

Maybe I'm too young to understand this? But I think all this talk about "normal age" and "the right guys" means too much in our heads and too little in real life.

What if I just try being myself around someone and see if they stay?

And for some reason, I believe that a man with a real core will see through this and think, "Maybe this isn't a flaw at all."