This was posted long ago by American talk show host Larry Elder:

1. The female always makes the rules.
2. No male can possibly know all of the rules.
3. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
4. The female is never wrong.
5. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong, or the female suspects that the male did or said wrong.
6. If Rule 5 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
7. The female may change her mind, at any time, for any reason.
8. The male may never change his mind without prior written consent of the female.
9. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time, for no apparent reason, and must not give any explanation to the male.
10. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
11. The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
12. Any male who questions or alters the rules shall immediately become impotent.
13. The male is expected to read a woman's mind at all times.
14. If the female cries, the argument is over and she wins.
15. Yes means no; no means yes.
16. Never prove her wrong.
17. Never answer unanswerable questions, such as "Honey, do you think I'm getting fat?"
18. If you choose to ignore Rule 17, never use the word "Fine" to answer a question such as "Honey, how do I look?"
19. If she says one thing, and means another, it is up to you to determine what she really meant.
20. If the female has PMS, all rules are null and void.
21. PMS really stands for Punish My Spouse (or Significant Other)."
22. What's yours is hers, and what's hers is hers.
23. Never look at another woman, no matter how attractive.
24. When watching TV, never, ever look at an attractive woman. If your wife catches you doing so, immediately excuse yourself and go make yourself a sandwich.
25. When she asks for your advice, she really doesn't intend for you to give it.
26. No job is as hard as that of a homemaker.
27. Never tell your wife how to drive, or attempt to show her how to golf.
28. Always end an argument with the following four magical words: "Honey, you were right."
29. If you compliment someone else's cooking in her presence, you are indirectly insulting her.
30. Taking out the trash is a man's job, even if the man has been on a ten-day business trip.
31. If she's watching her favorite TV show, she shall not be disturbed. If you are watching yours, she may disturb you at any time, even during the Super Bowl.
32. It is O.K. for you to meet your wife's old boyfriends, but under no circumstances is it O.K. for her to meet your old girlfriends.
33. Business travel, no matter how important, is actually, according to her, your excuse to get away.
34. If she starts the argument, you lose. If you start the argument, you lose.
35. No matter how late you are, never tell a woman to hurry up. When the woman is ready to go, however, have the car started.
36. It is O.K. for a woman to snore, but not for a man.
37. If the man gets on the computer for more than two minutes, he is avoiding his husbandly and/or fatherly duties, even if the woman bought said computer for the man for Christmas, and he is an accountant working out of his home.
38. If a man smokes a cigar within 100 feet of his house, he is deliberately trying to kill his family with secondhand smoke.
39. Don't notice her morning breath when she tries to kiss you.
40. If a woman discusses a problem she is having, never give her a solution.
41. Never wake the woman with a question that begins with "Did you" or "Have you."
42. Never know your wife's weight or age, and if you do, you must never divulge them to anyone.
43. If a woman asks you what movie you want to see, think carefully and reply, "You choose, honey."
44. Regarding the right way to hang the toilet roll: the woman's way is the right way. It is the man's job to replace the roll, and he must never leave less than twelve inches remaining on the roll.
45. When she returns from shopping, never ask for a receipt. If she decides to tell you how much she spent, add 35-50% to insure rough accuracy.
46. If you comment on her new dress, and she says, "Oh, this old thing," never challenge the statement.
47. Every woman has "The Look" which, roughly translated, means "How can you be so stupid?"
48. Never, ever say "Well, what do you want me to do?" or "Well, what do you want me to say?"
49. Not only is the female always right, the female's mother is always right. Therefore, never, under any circumstances, criticize the female's mother.
50. The rules are subject to change at any time without any prior notification.

These are meant as humor couched in truth. Some of you are WAY too serious...

David