"Why am I jealous over this?"

"What is making me jealous?"

" What am I trying to keep?"

"Why do I feel threatened?"

Change any false beliefs that might be fueling your jealousy. There are often false, baseless beliefs that underlie reactions of jealousy. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy. Some common underlying beliefs without basis include “Everyone is out to get my money” or “If this person leaves me, I won't have any friends.” In both cases, these are generalizations that could never be applied to every person you know or meet. In fact, these are pre-emptive defenses against the potential of something bad happening to you. Beliefs are changeable by choice. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you'll feel better. If you think it's better to think negatively, ask yourself what possible benefit that brings you over thinking more healthily––thoughts create emotions and you have the choice to make the thoughts negative or positive. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger and the fear easier to manage, removing the fuel for the jealous feelings.

Be aware that your thoughts can happen so quickly that you don't even realize consciously that you've had a negative thought. Developing greater awareness of your thoughts and what triggers them is a large part of tackling the problem.

Take notice of which part of your body is affected. Fear is often felt as a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, while anger often manifests itself as a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw. As well, it's not unusual to feel both fear and anger at the same time, bringing forth all of the bodily impacts mentioned. Noticing bodily sensations can be a telltale signal for you to start changing how you're thinking and to question the jealous feelings.

Apologize. Before doing anything else, make the other person feel better if you've gone far enough to expose your jealous emotions around him or her. Realize that by not apologizing, you are in actual effect seeking to punish the other person for your feelings. The act of apologizing in itself shouldn't be lengthy or complicated––the fact that you do apologize will help begin to break the cycle. Simply make a conscious decision to stop indulging in suspicions and say to the other person something like: "I'm sorry for asking those questions of you. I've had some silly jealous thoughts that have caused me to imagine what isn't there." This will often be sufficient to give both of you the space to discuss what has just taken place––recognition of your poor behavior and the need to be more open together about what you're going through.

Communicate your feelings and dialog about your jealousy problem together. Sharing your true feelings with the affected person and talking it through can be a very cathartic and constructive way to start mending the damage done. It can also be a way of creating an ally, someone who will feel able to point out when you make unreasonable jealous demands on him or her without expecting comeback. When talking through what you've been feeling, take heed of the following:

Avoid passing on blame to the other person. His or her behavior is not the cause of your feelings––you are responsible for your feelings.

Stick to "I" statements rather than saying anything that smacks of "you make me feel…". Instead of saying, "You shouldn't have done that," say, "I felt terrible when that incident happened."

Be aware that how you perceive situations may be completely at odds with how the other person saw them. Stay as open-minded as possible, even though this will probably mean that you sometimes feel extremely defensive. Do your best to keep quiet and listen rather than constantly butting in with justifications.

Above all, be compassionate, both for yourself and for the person you've been offloading your jealousy onto. Recognize the harm you've caused, the harm you've suffered and work with it to find better ways forward. Be passionate about your desire to improve your feelings and try to outgrow jealousy.

In most cases, this won't be a one-off conversation. You'll need to agree to keep coming back to talking any time the green eyed monster gets out of hand again.

Bear in mind at all times that feelings of jealousy are about you, not about the other person. Any sense that things are out of control means that you need to transfer the intensity of what you're feeling into something constructive rather than continuing to over-analyze the relationship (or situation). For example, get involved in a sport, some exercise, a hobby or participating in volunteer work. Do something that takes you out of yourself and causes you to focus beyond the relationship or situation and gives you an outlet for your emotions that is healthier than ruminating and raising suspicions.All this doesn't mean escaping from putting two and two together.

Learn from your jealousy. The ignoble, negative emotions have a role in our lives, one of teaching each of us how to be a better person for struggling and overcoming them. They have a place, just not one that controls you and excuses poor behavior. Some of the things jealousy might be teaching you include:

You are frightened when a relationship is new and still has some way to go before it feels secure. This is a commonplace feeling in young relationships for many people, and both possessiveness as well as sense of vulnerability at getting close to someone, can drive feelings of jealousy.( ...and we're so fond of seducing people; testing our power can become a very harming passtime )

You're afraid someone else will take your job, salary, role, position, and so forth. In this case, it's probable that you're afraid of financial insecurity (survival instinct) or you feel that you're an impostor in your role, the latter an all-too-commonly held false belief in many high-achieving people in the workforce. Remember that you wouldn't have been given the role or position unless other people felt you had earned it.( don't be your worst and closest enemy) Try living up to that trust in you rather than seeing demons hovering in every corner.

You feel your lover has a roving eye. In romantic relationships, both men and women continue to check out other men and women. It's biologically driven and it's natural.[1] However, in the majority of cases, it does not mean that the person wants to leave the relationship he or she is in with you. It is, for most people, about appreciating the human form and not about a roaming eye. This misunderstanding has long created unnecessary jealousy as long as relationships have existed; it can help to accept that it's okay for a person in a committed relationship to look, provided there's no touch!

You listen to people who say mean or exaggerated things and let this direct your emotions. Take a stand ! Be true to yourself and those you love ! All too common, many people are easily convinced by the village gossip because it sounds so compelling and seems like it must be right. The reality is that it rarely is right and it's always far better to not listen to people who chatter away making things up as they go. Let these people go get jobs as celebrity gossip journalists while you get on with facing the facts instead.

You dislike looking within yourself and working through difficult emotions. It's typical to externalize painful emotions, to try and make them someone else's problem than to do the hard work of facing them and dealing with them internally. Jealousy is painful but by facing it, you can repair much internal damage that ultimately makes your relationships stronger and more enduring.

Trust yourself. Trust begins at home, with yourself. If you learn to trust yourself, you can radiate this trust onto others. Begin by making a list of all your good points. Stick this list up somewhere that you can see it regularly, to remind yourself that you're fully equipped with great talent, skills and features already. Moreover, only compare yourself to yourself, always seeking to outdo your last achievement without worrying what other people are doing. Remind yourself daily through a journal, affirmations or other effective way that you have what it takes, like the song goes, to be fulfilled in life. Practicing healthy thinking must be a daily, recurring action––that's why it involves constant practice. In time, the healthier thinking processes will take over the destructive ones and help you to become a whole person, resilient, capable and not prone to jealous thoughts.

Work on relevant aspects of your self esteem if you feel it's lacking. When you have more confidence in yourself, you'll be less likely to feel jealous.

Read some self-help books on jealousy, you'll feel you're getting your grips on that mean, insidious emotion.

Jealousy is not the same thing as love. Sometimes, people think that by feeling jealous about someone, they are loving him or her by being possessive or wanting ownership over the person. Jealousy is not love; it’s the fear and anger of losing out or being abandoned. It's stifling and unkind, and in most instances, you'll lose this person.

Jealousy is not envy; unfortunately, the two words are easily mixed up and this leads to confusion. Jealousy is about infringement on a relationship or personally valuable situation by a rival who threatens to remove something that is rightfully yours or to which you have a rightful claim. Envy involves looking at others, comparing yourself and your own situation, and finding things in your life wanting. In this latter case, you want what someone else has (a trait, an achievement, an object, a role, etc.) and you're left feeling resentful, under-accomplished, inferior or discontented.

Fake it. Portray a non-jealous facade while you work on overcoming jealousy. Eventually, working your way through your feelings, the facade will become real, but in the meantime you will protect yourself from appearing jealous to others.

Try to talk about your problems with someone other than the person you're projecting the jealousy onto. Perhaps you feel that these jealous tendencies are a private matter; then, you might like to anonymously ask an advice column or similar advice source about your problem.

Be alert to the possibility that it is your own viewpoint that is distorting reality. Trade your anger for curiosity, try to get the bigger picture before making rash judgments.

Some situations in life set you up for instant jealousy, such as being part of a polygamous marriage or working or living with another person who has been singled out for favoritism. These are quite distinctive situations that carry a lot of unhealthy emotional baggage that needs to be addressed with great care and empathy. You might be best seeking counseling if you continue to live within such situations.

If jealousy in your relationship is leading to control or power struggles, it's a sign that there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed with your partner.