Jealousy is an overwhelming feeling that destroyed many couples and marriages. Let's look into jealous persons and estimate the results of jealousy if it does not restrain. We start with the statistics. Half of domestic crimes committed within the family because of jealousy. Most of the divorce is also motivated by jealousy. So what is jealousy? What are the reasons, how to put it down, how to fight it?

As it is known for centuries “Water is flowing through fingers”, and jealous persons forget completely that their partner has made a conscious choice to be and to go through life together. Jealousy is based on a false sense of ownership and desire that the partners belong only to you. But the story of human relationships clearly demonstrates that no one belongs to nobody. Everyone is free to choose the person whom wants to live with. Love confessions, marriage, wedding, stamp in the passport guarantee anything to anyone. Only respect for the partner and his or her needs can be a key to successful couples, and to give a chance, but not to guarantee, long-term relationship.

Jealousy destabilizes, inflates and provokes aggression and depression. And the cause is always jealous person, its complex, problems, lack of confidence, a false sense of ownership, self-interest and deviation.

Jealousy happens when a person feels that a relationship that is of importance is threatened by someone else outside of the relationship, be it romantic, platonic, friendship, parent-child, sibling etc. Jealousy can also occur in the context of competitive situations, such as the workplace or education. Jealousy differs from envy, in that the latter is where you desire something that another person has, although sometimes you can feel both at the same time.

Jealousy is not a rare emotion––many people feel it now and then. However, contrary to the beliefs of some people, it's not a sign of devotion or care for another person; rather, it's a sign that a part of you has some maturing to do yet so that you feel secure and safe within the relationships you have. While jealousy can pull you down and even pull apart a relationship, it can also be a signal to you that it's time to change and find the maturity you need to proceed to the next stage of your emotional growth. Rather than letting jealousy infect your relationship with others, use its appearance as a reason to work on yourself and to free yourself from the fears that drive it.

Understand the emotion of jealousy. A combination of fear and anger, jealousy is fed by the fear of losing someone (or a cherished situation/state of affairs) and anger that someone else is "moving in" on the person or situation that is of value to you personally. It's a destructive and ignoble emotion and nothing good can come of it, so recognition of its occurrence is your number one self-defense.

Deconstruct why you feel jealous in the first place. From a place of self-compassion, try to figure out why you're feeling jealous. Often jealousy is about reliving an experience of failure from the past that continues to inform your level of trust (or lack thereof) toward people in the present, even though current conditions may be vastly different. Other motivators for feeling jealous include: a high level of insecurity, anger toward yourself and fear of abandonment or vulnerability. If you're honest with yourself, you will realize that feeling jealous often rears its head at the same time you feel threatened, afraid of being abandoned or when you feel you just cannot trust the other person, no matter how little basis your lack of trust has. However, this shouldn't be about finding nothing but fault with yourself––being compassionate about your self-assessment is an essential part of staying objective about the green eyed monster.

Take a good look at the effect your jealous behavior has on other people. It can be easy to justify your suspicious mind by viewing the defensive responses of others as confirmation of your suspicions. However, defensiveness is a natural response to people who are placed under pressure to justify their actions, whereabouts and thoughts all of the time––being constantly questioned as to what you're doing, where you're going and where you've been is tiring, disparaging and quickly demoralizing. People feeling squeezed by a jealous line of questioning and assumptions will also feel undermined, badgered and frustrated. Reactions that display impatience, frustration, irritation and anger are not confirmations of guilt––they are signs that the person has reached the end of a tether and is defending his or her genuine, non-suspicious actions.

If you suddenly decide that your friend or lover is incapable of fending off the advances of a new friend or lover, then you have placed that person in a really insidious position of both having to reassure you at the same time as realizing that the lack of trust you have in him or her places a wedge in the relationship that wasn't there previously. Put yourself into his or her shoes––how would you feel if badgered in this fashion?

Tackle your feelings now. Learn to question your jealousy every time that it emerges. For example, say to yourself: "Is this jealousy because I feel afraid or angry? Why am I feeling fear or anger here?" When you begin to question what makes you jealous in the moment, you can begin to take positive steps to manage the feelings constructively, without the cloud of negative emotion that typically accompanies jealousy.

Well, in my next blogs I will comprehend some more issues about jealousy… Dear gentlemen, please, do not keep silence, share your ideas with me…