Hello ladies and gentlemen. I am going to write something abit different today. Today my thoughts are about the sometimes bad habit of being alone for too long. I have found myself making a subconscious excuse that I am too picky and because of that I am lonely. But in reality, even the best of us experience the real fear of losing or failing all over again. In my past I have been forced to make some harsh and fast decisions. In general I like to study and learn as much as I can so that I make an educated decision but life doesn't always give us the time to really think every decision through. At times I think I have reverted back to a nervous 16 year old with thick eye glasses that relies on wit and humor to escape confrontation. That 16 year old decided to get contact lenses and then to further myself and finally to settle down when I was nearly 30. Sure I had serious relationships before the age of 30 but I knew that I didn't want to start a family young in my life. 30 seemed the right time with the right person but that ended in divorce. It made me look inward for blame instead of outward. Soon after my marriage ended my son turned 5. I guess the marriage was over when he was 3 but divorce takes time and tons of money and serious losses. I didn't hug or kiss or dance with anyone for nearly 5 years. The way I look at it is that my son has only ONE childhood but I have plenty of adult years ahead of me. Well, all that time alone kinda makes a person lose confidence. I think I am average in appearance, height and weight but that time that I spent alone definitely created the situation I am in now....now being alone feels as much like a curse as it does failure. The one good thing that has come from this time alone is that I now know what I want and what I don't want. Maybe I am too picky, but I would prefer to be alone than to settle for someone that later may be the wrong choice. I will add an asterisk to this last sentence and say what all the men here feel.....we wish that serious communication happened here and that the site would get rid of the perverts and females here for personal financial gain. Men, I say take the trip to the Ukraine and/or Russia and get off the beaten path. Go to places where others won't generally think of going. There you will find what you seek. I am here because I have been there and see real value in ladies from the former Soviet states. Ladies, please be patient with the men here and think about all of the bad feedback that exists about this type of online and virtual communication. You can fix this by chatting with us live and to us alone. No one wants to be just another chat box open among many. Just like you we want to be seen alone and on our own. Thanks for reading and have a good weekend :) Andy