I think the word "selfish" comes to us from false expectations on who we will really be happy with when we choose a life time soul mate. When I first became involved in looking for a soul mate, I joined a few other dating sites and quickly learned that there are so many different types of personalities in the world. Of course we all want to be liked first of all, and sometimes some of us make the mistake of really putting ourselves out beyond what we really want, feel and care about. And the more I would meet and get to know some people, that feeling of attraction would suffer to some degree. As a man that has experienced the loss of a fiance in a serious auto accident 11 days before we were to be married, I can tell you that whether we are a man or a woman, an experience like that will always make you pull back and think that it is safer. Because that is exactly what I did for over 2 years after, and became a hermit so to speak, that was a hard lesson to learn. So then we look at the effect that is has on our expectations and desires as a human being, and that is we all want to be needed and wanted by the opposite sex. I believe that if we find a person that is straight up truthful from the start, then we have a great chance of success in gaining a close friendship and then grow into actual love for that other person. Of course when that happens, it is then that all the obstacles need to be discussed and be totally honest about fears & concerns right along with how happy we are that we found true love and be totally up front about that. I can see for me the obstacles that are there, and they don't have to be real fears if we are up front about them. In an international dating and marriage site, there are two big obstacles and seem to be overwhelming to some people. Those are the time difference between the two people involved. The other of course is the distance in miles and location that you live. Of course I know that to make a relationship work and the love affair to grow, we have to have communication on a continuing basis. I look at the whole getting to know you phase as a journey that should be the most rewarding learning experience for ourselves and also for the woman in your life. This also has to be fully discussed and honesty about your feelings and desires have to be know totally by the other person. I think at that point we can say to the other person, "Take my hand, we'll cross the rivers of doubt, Don't let go, and we'll continue to the mountain ahead of us, hang on tight, and we'll get over that mountain because our reward is on the other side, and I'll lead you to the land of enchantment for the rest of our lives." I think if you can get to that point in a friendship first of all and then a relationship, then it is priceless and can't be purchased for any amount of money or possessions. So for that reason and for many other reasons, I firmly believe that an international dating site if used in the right way, is the best and surest way to find your soul mate based on telling her everything inside of you and don't worry about being selfish, because if you do that, it is not possible to be a selfish person only after what you can get. I want the whole picture, I won't settle for less, and that is to share myself totally, and desire the other person to do the same. At that point in the relationship, it is solid and nothing will harm it or destroy it.