1

Start by talking to yourself. When a conflict is brewing or tension is building, we feel it, but we are often very afraid to start an escalation and avoid facing the problem. What exactly do you want to talk to the subject of internal conflict about? What exactly are you ready to say? What is your request and which solutions will suit you? When did it start? Is there something that your future interlocutor misunderstood? What would you like to explain? How do I explain it most effectively? If you don't have a legend in your head, the conversation is not likely to lead to the desired result.

2

Whatever emotions you are experiencing, you will have to admit them. Anger, resentment, fear, even rationally unfounded ones. This, by the way, is a good start: “I want to talk to you because I'm angry” instead of “You're a jerk, and here are ten reasons why.”

3

Know what boundaries you stand for. You will have to decide for yourself what your interlocutor will be allowed and what will not be allowed. For example, I let people raise their voices because it's a way to let off steam, but only until they start accusing me of something I'm not responsible for, or threatening me in any way.

4

There is such a cool thing called "I-message", and without it, I do not advise not to find out with anyone. When we say “you make me suffer and cry” or ‘you're a total asshole’, it's "you are the message". We were not born yesterday and we know that people do not like to negotiate in situations where they immediately begin to blame. “I feel uncomfortable because the situation is unfolding in my head in this way” and “I feel unappreciated, and I would like to talk about it and get your opinion” are " I am messages." This is probably the main tool in complex conversations, it helped me out in almost any situation where it was used.

5

Supplement to the fourth point. When I have the opportunity, I approach the conversation as a way to solve the problem. Instead of telling the other person that it's about them and their behavior, I start like this: “I think we have a problem, and I'm sure that everything you're doing to solve it now has reason and logic. I would like to know how you think the situation will develop further and what we can do to eliminate negative consequences.”

6

Ping. This is a technique I learned as a Manager and apply it in personal situations. “Do you understand what I'm saying?” Do you know the feeling I'm describing?” What would you experience in this situation?” These questions are asked without complaint, but with a desire to get honest answers to them.

7

Sometimes anger and annoyance are concentrated inside like water in a rain cloud, and instead of constructive dialogue, we want to scream and break things. I personally think the most reasonable thing to do is to yell and break things, and then go to the immediate solution of the problem, but many of my friends do not agree with this and insist that you can do without broken dishes. I suppose you can, but I'm not sure. Claims and dialogue are incompatible, so they need to be separated from each other. In many personal conflicts with people I love and who love me, we first yell and don't take prisoners, then we talk.

8

It is desirable to start talking face-to-face in a neutral environment and when no one is steaming from the ears of anger.

9

Remember that at the other end of the maze of misunderstandings is the same person. It can be difficult and painful for them to hear what you want to say to them, in whatever form you present your thoughts and fears. You both have the right to stop talking and come back to it later, the right to feel safe, and the right to be open.

10

If you want to talk to someone about a problem, just to hear something that will please you, I have bad news. Be prepared for the fact that you will receive counter information that you need to take into account and respond to it accordingly.