Today is valentines day ... happy valentines day to all of you ... hope you will recieve all the perfect gifts cupid has bestowed upon you all ... me ill be on my own ..what people dont know is valentines day is also a anniversary for me , i lost my first on this day and for many years held her heart to myself (she was killed by a drunk driver deverstated me beyond anything) so every valentines day i would light a candle in church and remembered who she was to me ..she taught me a lot about myself and apart what i learned from my parents as i have said in previous blogs , my first showed me what love was ....

they say true love only strikes once and if tragic events happened to one half then the other half feels it ..well i did .. and despite who i am as a person that many know ..nothing truly prepared me .. .. but being spiritual has its merits i do believe a heart comes back looking for that lost half ..and now this whats happened to me now

there is a bright charming woman out there that so reminds me of my first , its her spirit that i can feel ..and yet we are driven apart .. i cant contact her due to ploblematics and shes threatened to leave the site cause she thinks i am ignoring ...

nothing could be further than the truth ..shes very wrong (much alot like my first jumping to conclusions ..that does make me laugh in a funny sense ) ..but being serious i wish she could be told ..but no one will despite my requests


all i can say to her is im sorry i tried .... now you lost forever and it wasnt my fault !!! ..and not yours either ... if you get to read this hear me i read all what you said ...

thats all i could ever do for the time being ...and its hurting even me ...


another post from the old fashioned raised man on site alone on valentines day reflecting a loss again