Dominoes, Order, and Me
Everyone here needs to understand I do not follow the patterns of regular off-the-street men. I'm autistic. I'm socially clumsy. I do not understand hints easily. In fact, I may not know you are hinting at something. If you want me to know something, you need to speak in direct language. Assuming that you and I build a relationship, I will learn how you hint at things after you have explained what different signs you do are leading me to think. Not before.

I operate very much like dominoes. There is an order by which I operate.

As an autistic person, often when small-talk (talking about the weather, sports, day's activities, etc .. where you are talking just to be talking and do not really have mind about what is being said) this is regarded as totally insincere. I rarely talk about the weather unless we want to talk temperature, cloud patterns, wind speed ...real and current information about the weather. I rarely talk about sports (if ever). I don't watch sports on the TV. I do not go to sports bars to watch a game with friends. I do not fish. The last time I went fishing was when I was less than 10 years old I caught more sunburn that day than I caught fish. It has no appeal to me. I'll go fishing with you. I have no problem with that. I have no desire to fish.

The onlyh way, in real life, I can tell what you are implying is by hearing the tone of your voice matched with your body langauge and facial expressions. If I do not have these, the words in front of me is ONLY how I am to understand what you are saying. If you do not speak directly to me, the hints you give will be missed. Taht is the way I am assembed..

You need to understand I am a person of goodness. Especially when it comes to moral matters of right vs wrong. In the Holy Bible sense, goodness means several things: 1- righteousness 2- complete 3- order. I am the kind of fellow that I would rather walk to the end of a block to cross a street at an intersection at the crosswalk markings instead of jaywalking between intersections. That kind of order fulfills both a righteousness (as it is morally right) and completeness (as I complied to stick with the law to go to the corner and cross at the intersection). My mind has jaywalking as a violation that I will not do (unless in an emergency situation).

Why do you need to know this? Because I do not understand hints very well, if you write me erotic messages .. to me this is an out-of-order activity. You do not know me. I am not yours and you are not mine. We should not be having intimate conversation like this. This is out-of-order. You run the risk of being marked as unwanted if you do this enough.

The different fantasies and dreams I have read are out-of-order. Because I am not yours yet, my mind can not go to the thoughts of thinking the possibility of being intimate is possible. I regard this as fiction. Remember, I do not understand these dreams and fantasies to be a possibility as we do not have a relationship beyond words. These are out-of-order.

Here is how my sense of order applies to regular public life. You know how you attach an semi-erotic photo in a message to me and ask how it makes me feel and what it makes me want to do? Truthfully, it doesn't do anything. I see an attractive lady. And that lady is not currently mine to enjoy. IF I were to let a fantasy run loose, that means I am stealing something that does not belong to me. If I have thought it in my mind, then I am guilty of this act in my mind. This is as bad as a 5-year old taking candy from a grocery store.

When I accompany a married friend in his car driving around for errands, he will sometimes remark (when seeing an attractive lady or two): I will take one of her.. or.. I would have both of them. Which, to me, is totally an out-of-bounds satement to make. If it was me, this is like having already ordered and eating dinner.. and still looking at the menu for other entres to add. This is something I do not do. I make my selection. And stick with my selection. Other entries are not available for me to select to entertain the idea. I personally do not care to go to the mall to people-watch. If I go there, I"m going to have coffee, food, watch a movie, or buy something. I'm not going to become aroused and play fantasies in my mind at the appearance of women as they walk by. That is out-of-order.

Recently, I was asked how many dates does a couple have before they can become intimate with each other. This is a question of posession. If we are not attracted to each other and have no ongoing relatonship to build, maybe never. I want to form a bond with my (eventual) wife. I do not want to enter a state of intimacy unless I know this is a decision about forever with her. If that means we wait until the wedding night, that is fine with me. If we know we are going to be together forever and technically bound to each other already, then we have what it takes to be intimate. We are better than animals.

Along the lines of small-talk, when you write a letter to me that is a single sentence or two and that message is a question that can be answered by a Yes or No, I do not consider that letter elligible to be answered. Small-talk. I will never reply to agree or say yes or no. If there is nothting new to add, there will be no reply. If I am to answer you, I need to be asked something that asks a position that might require up to a several sentences to expound upon. It is very expensive to reply and I want to use most of the 3800 characters to reply to you. A YES is 3 characters. A NO is 2.

An example recently was soneone asking these questions: Do you know a nice restaraunt we can sit and talk in your city? Or- Are you ignoring me? Or- We are both here to find out loved one, right? Or- you are too scared to answer right? To me, these are all the kind of questions that is an obvious kind of question to ask. Yes, I am here beucause I"m looking for my special lady. If I find a lady, my profile comes down immedaitely. I do not want endless letters. I want to meet her live and in person. Because I have not a passport to use (as my description gives) you will have to visit me. How, when, and where are the details I need to know in advance. If I can meet you I gladly will. If I am able to reply (because I have message or chat credits) will will reply. Do not appear over night and expect me to be there immediaely for you. There are some times I am 3-5 days of letters I have not read. Which can explain why, when you invite me to chat TOMORROW at a certain time, I do not show. The only other reason I have few credits (or zero) credits that are available for me to chat with you.

No, I am not like other guys. Not even close. I am like dominoes.