At one moment you are on cloud nine. You are walking along, in love. You have met THE ONE. Your heart has been destroyed and broken for so long that you never would believe it could find love again. And over the course of many letters and some time, you find the one that puts sun in your life, a smile in your heart, and starts to mends the the pieces of the previously broken heart. The pieces are put into place. But the healing is under way and the “glue” of love has not yet set. The pieces are still fragile. Old wounds of mistrust from previous relationships are still there trying to heal. But healing is a long process. The heart is fragile still.
Plans are underway to bring THE ONE to your home. You are nesting. Preparing for her. You will build a home together, and she will add the touches of the two becoming one. Yet you have to make things ready for her arrival, even though it’s a few months away.

Then with a few words in a text, the heart starts to crumble. You read something that does not fit. You feel a chasm open in the pit of your belly. Your entire world seems to be falling into that pit. It is instantly painful. You feel knives and daggers stab at your heart. Some of the yet to be healed wounds are bleeding life and love. Ten kilo mauls are beating on the pieces of your heart. Everything is spinning. The sun that was lighting your soul is rapidly being covered with dark clouds of storms. Tornado winds are tearing at the shelter around your soul like a spring storm in Texas. You feel the sting of jealousy upon you. Your body is shaking. Tears flood your eyes. Breathing is difficult.

It is only a joke she says. Fingers fly rapidly across the keyboard—“Please explain!” “You are tearing up my heart.” You try to read her words. She is trying to calm you. You are having flashbacks to the painful memories of utter hurt from previous love gone bad. It is uncontrollable. How is it men can take such a brutal beating of the heart. You are searching for solid ground. You suddenly remember a song, “Sometimes He Calms the Storm” by Scott Krippayne. You read more of her calming words. You ask for God to calm the storm or calm the child. You are breathing again.

The storm has passed. But like the storms of the Atlantic and Gulf of Mexico, this was an intense storm that left a storm surge. Clean up is necessary. There is no FEMA for the heart. Dark clouds are lingering ominously. And I am searching desperately for the sun. I know it is there. My love is true and will find it. She will teach me to dance. She will make breakfast with me. She and I will drink coffee with cream and cinnamon. I just need her to come to me. To cleanse my soul of the storm that nearly broke me.

I never considered myself the type to get jealous. But I never had a love of such magnitude that would cause me to be jealous. I have that love now. A few words put me into rage, jealously, hurt, fear, and physical pain. Such a love is incredible. I hope that I never, ever, put her into anything near what I felt yesterday. If she doesn’t know now that everything in my past is just that, IN MY PAST. It is history. I look only forward. Forward with her and her love. My love for her is immense. I wrote in a previous blog, “I will not let the sun go down without apologizing for any wrong I may have done.” I tried to text an apology last night in text for my jealousy and misunderstanding of her joke. She was offline. So I apologize here, publicly, to her, for my misunderstanding and my jealousy. Please forgive me. Personal apologies are also in order and that is being done.

People, it is hard to say those words. Even harder to tell the world that you need to be forgiven. But I urge you, when you need to apologize, do it. It is part of the mending process. It tells the one you love that you do care. And when your loved one needs to apologize to you and does so, Forgive them without question. In fact, forgive them in your heart even if they do not apologize, they may not know they have wronged you.
Love demands these actions.
Gene Pitney -- Only Love Can Break a Heart