Every Forgetting Child Has a Mother That Always Remembers,
(these are my thoughts on this subject)
In fact, the original of the saying is “Every child who forgets has a parent who always remembers,” but I chose to change the title like this because most of the time children are mothers who are in pursuit of their daily chores.
As soon as I heard this phrase, I said to myself, "Wow, how true." Everything fell into place in my mind. Considering how many things we remember, especially on behalf of our school-age children:

Did you put your homework in your bag?

Did you get the physical education clothes?

Did you take your wet clothes out of your bag?

Did you take your leave paper with you for the field trip?

Have you got your water bottle?

Don't forget your hat, your gloves.

Don't forget your guitar for your music lesson.

Don't forget your lunchbox.

Don't forget to throw the dirty ones in the basket.

Don't forget your key.

I am sure what else you can add to this list.

"But how can I not remind you that if I leave it alone, it won't do anything, I have to." I can hear you say.

At this point, I think "From an egg or a chicken or a chicken or an egg?" a vicious cycle is occurring.

Because if we stop reminding, their lives will slide, and as long as we continue to remind them with anxiety, they have little chance to change this habit and improve themselves.

Of course, the forgetfulness I'm talking about here is not the occasional forgetfulness. We all make mistakes, of course we will give our children this kind of support from time to time. The forgetfulness I am talking about is now a habit of reminders that have to be done almost every day.

As long as we continue to make these reminders, they do not have to remember themselves, that is, the chance of developing their ability to carry out their own responsibilities and manage their time decreases, and they find it very difficult to stand on their own feet when we are not with them.

I mean, before it's too late, we need to get our full courage to break this vicious circle and return the responsibility of their lives to them in a way that suits their age, again for their sake.

Why, gathered up our courage, I said?

Because we will have to make bold decisions to break this vicious circle, we will have to let them experience the natural consequences of their forgetfulness, which is not an easy thing for us parents, but it is necessary for me to prepare for real life, to give them strong wings.

While doing this, we can follow these 3 steps in general:

1- Inform about the new order

Talk about this new practice in your family now, at a time when you are good, calm and can concentrate on you. Tell him that he is now old enough to bear his own responsibilities, take care of his belongings and keep track of his time, that you will not remind him of the responsibilities he should follow daily from now on, that you trust him, and if he forgets, he will still experience the natural consequences of this. Thus, we know what will happen next, and we will not be caught unprepared, we will not be unfair to him.

But please never share this as a threat, just as information. In other words, let it be an approach that makes him feel that you are not against him but on the contrary, you are with him, like "if you forget your homework at home, I will not bring it to school, then you will see the day". Let it be a supportive speech that makes you feel that you trust him, that you want his well-being, but that you are now passing on your responsibilities to him.

2- Support him to establish the system he needs to be successful.

Yes, we want them to learn by learning from their mistakes and by experiencing the natural consequences of their behavior and forgetfulness, but we do not need to throw them into the pool without teaching swimming. There will be moments when they will surely stumble. We can help them set up a daily, weekly routine and system so that they are as few as possible, that is, they can be successful in carrying their own responsibilities and remembering them. It is very important to involve them in this process and help them build this system.

For example:

What can you do to remember to put your homework in your bag every day?

What do you need to remember to take your sportswear with you on the day of physical training?

What would you suggest to remember to take your wet stuff out of the bag when you come home from swimming lesson? so so…

With such questions patiently, even if it seems unreasonable to you, listen to all their suggestions and even write them down together, do not immediately approach negatively as "it does not happen, this does not happen" so that you do not be discouraged. If there are suggestions that do not suit you at all, you can encourage them to say, "This does not suit me for the following reason, but I think this idea might work, try it if you want". By the way, if you are open to listening to your opinions, you can also share your own suggestions without exaggerating or insisting.

He ultimately decides which ones to implement. The more motivated he is to follow, the more he has a plan that he determines, rather than what you impose. Even if his plan does not work, he cannot blame you, and then you will support him without making him feel bad by saying "You see it, I told you it won't work" for revising his plan.

3- Let him experience the consequences of his forgetfulness

Again, I repeat, I am not talking about forgetfulness that occurs every forty years, I am talking about forgetfulness that has become a habit that you have to follow your child constantly.

Once you explain the new order to your child and support him in establishing a system, the rest is up to him. Now is the time to stay in the background and test the system he established himself, to give him the opportunity to get used to this process, by trial and error, by experiencing the negative natural or logical consequences of his forgetfulness from time to time.

What does this mean?

Did he forget to take his homework to school? We will experience the consequences of this with the teacher himself, we will not run his homework to school.

Did he forget his lunchbox at home? One day she will be hungry at school, maybe she will learn to look desperate by taking food from her friends or never forget her bag again.

Forgot to look at his watch and missed the service? He'll have to walk to school, or the bus will cover the taxi fare from his pocket money.

Did he forget to have you sign his permit for the field trip? He will miss the trip.

None of this is punishment. The real-life consequences of your forgetfulness. It's that simple.

Believe me, if you are consistent, it will get used to this new order in a very short time. Maybe because he does not get the support he is used to, which will give you great reactions in the beginning, but as he stands on his feet, he will also like it and feel good and his self-confidence will increase.

I have 2 other very important notes here:

1. While applying this 3rd step, that is, while giving him the opportunity to experience the consequences of his forgetfulness, yes, we will not be able to save him by raising his belongings to the school, but it is very important to continue to empathize.

For example, he forgot his lunch box and went hungry. When he comes home, he may react to you and even blame you for not saving him by bringing the bag to school as before. He may say things that make you feel guilty.

Instead of staying calm and saying, "Look, I told you," it's just "I'm sure it was hard to stay hungry, I can guess, if there is something you want to eat right now, I can prepare it, or what kind of method come to your mind so that you don't forget your bag again and stay hungry?" It is important that you approach in a supportive manner.

If you make too many comments about his negativity, it will turn into something about you and your child will start to feel these natural consequences as punishment. Let life teach whatever it will teach, just do not miss your empathy and love.

2. Secondly, if there are people you need to talk to about your new order, such as their teacher or trainer, it makes the process easier to let them know.

I think they will appreciate and support your efforts to raise your child as a more responsible individual.

There may be many methods such as writing notes on the wall of his room, setting an alarm, using post-it, creating a routine he can follow daily and hanging him in his room, and putting his bag in front of the door at night.