What Should Be Taken Into Consideration For A Healthy Marriage?
We know that it is not easy to keep a marriage running. But it is obvious that it is not very difficult. When you combine a pinch of care, a pinch of understanding, a pinch of affection and lots of love, a happy marriage is on its way. However, it is different to know this and to be able to apply it.

Does marriage love really kill? What changes with marriage?
I don't think marriage changes love. Love is something else. However, with the signature made after the marriage, the institutionalization of the relationship comes into question. While we all make certain requests freely, we also try to fulfill the requirements of the institution. Then we lose our own individual values. Now there is a common life, but that life can be a life that neither person wants.

Do we decide too quickly to get married?
It can happen. But above all, the perspective on marriage is important, why we want to get married. When reasons such as families, pressure, desire to go to a separate house arise, the work can accelerate and people get married without knowing each other. If marriage is really viewed with the intention of "living a life together", it doesn't matter to make this decision early or late. If you are getting married for different reasons, the danger begins.

Is there such a thing as changing after marriage? Or are we too blind to see this change from the start?
There is a change, but a change like this; When the person starts the relationship, he / she knows the other person a little. But when the institution of marriage comes into play, individuals try to change each other for some reasons. "But you are married now, you are a wife now, don't go there, don't do this, you have these responsibilities ..." When these are involved, of course the person begins to compromise himself. It also changes when it begins to compromise oneself. He is both uncomfortable and the other person is not that person anymore.

What is the share of men and women to keep marriage on track?
The most important thing is to create environments that limit individual freedoms to a minimum and not to put corporate pressure on each other. Some rules such as "We are married, we have to go every Sunday, my parents wait for our visit" or "You are married, what are you doing there alone" should be expressed as little as possible. Of course, sharing is also very important for married couples. Food, work, childcare… We are talking about a career woman working today. There is no such thing as a woman doing housework and a man working in marriages. But still, the expectation is a bit like this… In fact, as far as I observe, men are not conservative on this issue as before. They help their spouses a lot, but there is a problem like this; women want everything to be perfect even though they work. The food should be great, the child should be taken care of very well, and his wife should help him… But really, life conditions are very difficult. It is necessary to be able to say "You are not complete too". There is also this; If women do not take certain jobs as their own duties from the beginning, and if the other spouse knows that he / she has equal responsibility, they can act accordingly. But more women than men should know this. Women are making concessions, they should not.

There is also the family factor. Today, there are still women divorced because of their mother-in-law and men who have problems with their husbands because they are fond of their mothers… Actually, women are also very fond of their mothers and they can call their mothers every minute and leave the children to their mothers. But men do not mind this situation that much. The reason women cause problems; the male-female role is coming into play. The man does not say anything to this, thinking 'the more his mother helps my wife, the more comfortable I will be'. The woman feels pressure when the man's mother steps in. However, sometimes there can be a really over-dependent relationship between mother and son.

this is a pathological issue of the world; the deep bond between mother and son. In this case, there is usually an addiction that develops from childhood. The situation develops in the same way in women who are dependent on their mothers and in men who are dependent on their mothers. In overly dependent relationships, there is often a problem between the parents who raise them. Mothers hold on to life with these children, and because of this attachment, they cannot accept their children growing up and separating from themselves. Because they cannot accept it, their marriage either traumatizes them or poses a big problem. Likewise, the other side of that addiction also applies to the child. So he thinks that his mother would not be able to survive without him. For this reason, he either chooses a spouse who can handle it, or when he cannot choose such a spouse, their relationship deteriorates and often separation occurs.
What is the secret to running a healthy marriage?
It is necessary to pay attention to this; I am a separate individual and does not have to attract me. One should always say this to himself and the other person should look at it from that point of view. It is necessary to think that "I am not his mother, I am not his father, I am a person with an expectation of happiness with whom I live together". Also love, affection and understanding; key words. Of course, we can talk about our daily stresses, we can discuss when necessary, but we do not have the right to hurt the other person. One of the biggest problems in marriages is that we can wear out the other with the comfort that it will never go away, it will never disappear from our lives. It should not be done.

So what do you have to do?
We will know that just as we need love, compassion, and understanding, we need it. If we have trouble, we can do some exercise and go home; or we can show understanding to each other by saying "I am very troubled today, let's sleep a little, get up and talk after that". If everything is routine in a marriage, we cannot wait for that marriage to continue. In other words, dinner should be prepared carefully, waking up in the morning should be attentive ... Yes, life is very difficult, but marriages depend on being a little attentive. There used to be such an aspect of women not working; They used to get up in the morning and iron them, dress their wives up, prepare breakfast in the morning… All of these are actually care. Men also tried to take their wives to dinner at the weekend. Looking now everyone is tired; One is in front of that TV and the other is in front of the TV, "Let's sing the food from outside".

In some cases, it may be possible to see that the marriage will go bad before they get married. It is obvious that the woman will not be very happy if she marries that man… But they get married and then they get divorced.

What signals need to be paid attention to before getting married, and what path should be followed?

Marriage is such a thing that there may be many psychological reasons for wanting to marry. Now you want to live a regular life, you want to get rid of sitting next to your family, but you are not in a position to dare yourself or you want a child… If you agree with the other person on many issues and believe that you will be happy, and if you know him or yourself well, you are less likely to have problems. One of the most important points here is definitely getting to know yourself. You must know the answer to the question "Can I be with him?" If you are thinking of uniting at this point and starting a life, usually things are working.

It is said that the first year is the hardest time in marriage. Why is the first year so important?
The first months are really hard. Problems are often caused by the difficulties of living in the same house. Actually, even when you live with your sibling, you can have problems even though you know him very well. Minor problems will definitely happen within a year until they get to know each other, but they must be resolved and the relationship must be put on track. But there are some problems that the marriage must end immediately; such as violence.

Sexuality should also be taken care of!
One of the most important factors affecting the relationship is sexuality. Bad sexual intercourse shows that there is a deficiency in that relationship. A healthy sexual intercourse should be 2-3 times a week. There are many things that can disrupt this situation due to work stress, illness, and fatigue. However, in general, it is also caring, love and affection that determine sexual pleasure. As they feed, sexual intercourse comes with it. So you don't need to feed it separately either.
Thank you for reading it patiently to the end. bulent