How to Deal with a Cheating Spouse

Dealing with a cheating spouse is perhaps the hardest thing you have to do. There is no right answer when it comes to deciding whether to continue your relationship and set things right. All you can do is communicate with your partner, listen to yourself, and decide whether the relationship is worth saving. If you decide to continue, you should do everything step by step and remember to take care of yourself.

Knowing what not to do
one
Don't blame yourself. Your spouse's reasons for cheating may not be clear, and you may naturally feel guilty. Maybe you moved away from each other or you weren't active in the bedroom lately. Maybe you let your business life tire you and you didn't devote enough time to your relationship. Although these are indications that your relationship requires some effort, you should know that nothing will make your partner cheat on you, and you shouldn't blame yourself for your partner's mistakes.
Of course, you may be wrong for some problems in the relationship, and it's important to admit that too. On the other hand, you should never think that any mistake you make will justify your spouse cheating on you.
If you focus too much on blaming yourself, you will completely save your spouse from your crimes. In this case, it is important to focus on your partner's behavior as well.

2nd
Do not be obsessed with the third person. If you want to drive yourself crazy, you can ask yourself millions of questions about other men or women, mix up this person's Facebook profile, or even look for the opportunity to see this person face to face for a moment. You might think knowing everything about this person will help you understand what's wrong in your relationship, but in fact, it will only give you a lot of pain rather than providing you with some answers. [1]
If a spouse is in a forbidden relationship, it rarely concerns the third person. Of course, if one of the spouses has not started a real and meaningful relationship with a third person, most of the time it is related to the cheater's dissatisfaction with himself or his marriage. If you focus too much on the other man or woman then you can't think of your partner or your relationship.
While knowing a few things about the relationship might make you feel comfortable, you don't want to know too much about how the other person looks, what they do, or other details that might distract you or make you feel bad about yourself. Not worth it.

3
Don't try to make that sense. Even if you think that in order to continue, you need to find a logical explanation for why you were cheated, as the husband has been feeling powerless since he lost his job, or that the third person insisted too much on his wife and she could not, it will not be useful to seek logic in the nonsense. Accept that you are offended and you need to find a way to move on, but don't find excuses for your partner to get there.
When he decides to cheat, his wife's mind may not be explained logically. Don't spend too much time finding the perfect reason why this is happening, instead focus on moving on with your life.
4
Don't tell the whole world.
You may be hurting a lot, be angry, and feeling like you need to tell all your family members and close friends, even on social media to get all the anger out. However, if there is any chance for you to make peace and continue your relationship, you can cause people all your life to look at your partner and your relationship in a different light. Instead of telling everyone you know, just tell people you believe can really help you get through this process.
When you tell everyone what is happening, you may feel relief at first, but pain and regret may follow. You may find that you are not ready for everyone's advice and judgment.
If you're going to talk to your close friends about your spouse's infidelity and you haven't decided what to do yet, do so carefully. If your friends think that he will definitely leave his partner, he can tell you 1000 things they don't like about him at all, and that won't make you feel good, and it can be awkward if you decide to continue the relationship.

5
Don't worry too much about what your friends and family will think.
In addition to not telling everyone what it is, you shouldn't worry about what people who know think about this relationship. People close to you can give good advice, but the bottom line is what's best for you, and you shouldn't care about what everyone else will think if you continue or break up in the relationship. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what everyone thinks, and you shouldn't let other people's judgments influence your decision-making.
Talking to the people you are close to definitely gives you strength and gives you a new perspective on the situation. But ultimately, you should know that their opinions cannot replace yours.

6
Don't take huge steps before you reflect.
As soon as you learn to cheat, you think you want to pack your stuff or kick your wife out of the house, but you have to give yourself more time to think about it. Sure, you may be away from your spouse for a while, but avoid saying you want a divorce or taking big action right away. Instead of doing something you'll regret later, give yourself time to digest what happened and decide what's good for you and your relationship.
While it is good to make the decision to have a separate contract right away, you should avoid saying that you want a divorce as soon as you hear the news; Even if this is what you feel like, you have to make a calm decision to determine this completely.
7
Do not punish your spouse.
Although it feels good to mistreat your partner, take away the things you love, or even think about having a relationship yourself, this kind of behavior doesn't take you or your relationship much further. You may be hurt, feeling cold towards your partner, and you may stay away for a while, but you shouldn't bother to make her feel worse because that way you will both feel awful at the end of the day.
Punishing your partner will only make you feel more pessimistic and your relationship will also worsen. It's understandable to spend some time apart and being colder and farther than normal, but being consistently brutal won't make anything better.

one
Report your demands.
Before you start a conversation with him, think about what demands you have from your spouse. He started talking directly about deception, continued crying, and then reconciliation. Instead, take the time to come up with a game plan so your spouse knows what is expected of him if he wants the relationship to continue. This is not like a punishment, it should be a plan you make together to continue your life.
Let your spouse know what he can do for you to continue the relationship. This may include going to the counselor together or separately, taking firm steps to rediscover what you enjoy doing together, taking time to communicate each evening, or sleeping in separate rooms until you feel comfortable again.
If you are considering divorce, you should find a lawyer as soon as possible. The sooner you do this, the better position you will be to bargain.

2nd
Give me time.
Even if you feel ready to forgive your spouse or live your life as you normally would, you should know that it will take time to regain the trust and love you previously felt for your spouse. Even if you both are determined to do this, it will take a long time for things to feel "normal" again and to feel close to the person you married because there is no better word. This is completely natural. If you hurry, you may have problems in the future.
You cannot forgive your partner overnight or feel that things are returning to normal. It can take months or even years to restore that trust.
You have to take it slow. It may take many days before you feel comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed with your partner again, go to dinner together, or do things you love to do together. Be prepared for this.
3
Leave your feelings alone.
Let your mate know how you feel. Tell him about the anger, resentment, betrayal and pain he inflicted on you. Don't be on your guard and pretend it's not a big deal; let him see your pain and understand how you feel. If you are not honest and open about what you are going through, you can never really go on with your life together. You may be ashamed or afraid to open up your true feelings, but it is important that you do.
If you're nervous about confronting your partner or you're afraid that you won't be able to say everything you want to say, you can write down anything you want to share. This way, you won't get lost in the moment and you won't forget the things you want to highlight.
If you are too emotional to have a conversation about what happened, wait a few days or until you feel as comfortable as possible. Of course, this conversation may never feel completely comfortable, but you can give yourself time until you feel secure. However, you may not want to delay this conversation too much.

4
Ask questions you want the answer to.
You might want some clarity when it comes to your spouse cheating on you. If you want to put together pieces in your head about how this happened, you can ask questions about how many times it happened, when it happened, how it started, and even how your partner feels towards this other person. On the other hand, if you want a chance for your relationship to last, maybe you better not know, you should think twice before asking about these details.
Ask any question that will help you better understand where your relationship is standing. However, avoid asking questions just to satisfy your curiosity; answers can hurt more.

5
Get tested.
As embarrassing as it sounds, you should both be tested as soon as you find out that your partner has cheated on you. You cannot know what kind of illnesses the third person has and whether this has passed to you. Even if your partner argues that this is unnecessary, you must do this to find out that you are both safe.
Going through this process will allow her to realize that her actions have consequences, too. Having another person while with you puts you at risk too, and it's important to understand that.
6
Listen to your wife.
It is also important to sit down and listen to your partner, whether you are hurt or tired or feel betrayed or angry and you have many other feelings you want to express. Listening to him may sound like the last thing you wanted, but if you want to give some clarity to what is happening in order to continue life, you should listen to what is happening by him. You may find out that your partner has new feelings or tensions that you didn't know he had.
It is not fair to think that he has no right to feel anything or to tell his side of the story. If you are not ready to face your partner's feelings yet, but you want to be able to move forward, you have to let him or her express yourself.

7
Improve your communication every day.
You can also start improving your communication when you and your partner start talking about infidelity. Make sure you are open and honest, talk regularly, and avoid passive-aggressive behavior as much as possible. While this may seem impossible after what your partner has done, it is important that you communicate if you want things to improve.
When you are ready for this, set aside any distractions and create the opportunity to meet up every day and talk about your relationship. If you think this is tiring and only ruptures old feelings, you should talk more about the present, not the past.
You have to be concerned with how you and your partner are feeling each other. Now is the time to be careful and focus on your relationship. If you don't have strong communication, it will be difficult to move forward.
Try to express your feelings in the language of "I", for example, instead of using the more accusatory "you" language such as "When you come from work, you don't show any interest in me", say "I get upset when you don't meet me when I come home from work".

8
Decide if you can try to fix it.
Of course, when you start talking about infidelity, you have to make a very important decision: do you think you can forgive your spouse and have a healthy relationship again, or do you think there is no chance for this to work? It's important to be honest with yourself and decide whether the relationship is worth saving. The most important thing is to have the time and place you need before you react or make a hasty decision.
If you have spoken to your partner, expressed your feelings, and listened to the story by him and still need some time to react, you can start to decide whether you want to try and keep the relationship going.
If you decide to keep the relationship going, be prepared to put in a lot of effort. If you know it's over for you, you should take the necessary steps to get a divorce. If that's the way you choose, you should look at the laws of the country you live in - because laws vary from country to country.
Reestablishing Your Relationship

one
Do what's best for you. Unfortunately, no journal, friend, family member, or doctor can tell you what is best for you — or your family. If you have kids involved, then your decision becomes even more difficult. Even if you think there is only one correct answer, at the end of the day you should be honest with yourself and listen to your heart. Finding out the truth can take a lot of time, but the most important thing is to make sure that no one is doing or feeling what they are telling you — especially your spouse. [4]
This can be a scary thought because you will most likely need some time to find the answer. But if you already have an inner voice, you'd better listen to it.

2nd
Choose to forgive.
Remember that forgiveness is actually a choice; it's not something that either happened or didn't happen. If you want to forgive your spouse, you must choose this decisively. Forgiveness will not come easily to you or him, and you will have to strive to reach this stage. The first step is to admit that you will try to make your relationship work.
Be honest with your spouse about this. Do not let your willingness to forgive or not to forgive him remain a secret. Let him know that you want to try to make your relationship work. Tell him what you really want to execute.

3
Spend time together in a way that has nothing to do with deception.
If you want to start building your relationship again, you and your partner should spend time together in a way that has nothing to do with their cheating. Try to do things you like to do together and avoid places that remind you where cheating is happening. Before going too fast, make an effort to start all over again so that the relationship has a solid foundation by doing daily activities.
You can even find a new activity to do together, like hiking or cooking. This way, you can see your relationship in a different light. You just have to make sure your partner isn't in pain or trying too much.

4
Take care of yourself.
When you're dealing with a cheating partner, it may feel like taking care of yourself is coming at the end of your priority. You can engage in a whirlwind of complex emotions like eating three meals a day, getting some sunlight and getting enough rest. On the other hand, if you want to stay strong at this difficult time and think you have the energy to work on your relationship, this is exactly what you need to do. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Try to sleep at least 7-8 hours a night. If you cannot sleep because your partner is lying next to you, you should be comfortable talking about changing your bedtime pattern.
Try to have three healthy meals a day. Even if you want to eat more unhealthy meals such as sugary snacks because you are stressed, you should try to eat healthier to keep your morale up. Fatty foods can make you sluggish.
Try to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. This time is good for both your mind and body, and gives you time to be alone and not contemplate being deceived.
Keep a diary. Try to write a few times a week to relate to your thoughts.
Don't isolate yourself. Spend more time with family and friends to feel more purposeful and balanced.
Get counseling.
While counseling is not for everyone, you and your partner should try to get help if you want things to go well. You may think this is too embarrassing or too much for you, but this will actually create a safe environment for you and your partner to comfortably share your feelings with. Find a counselor you trust and make sure you are fully committed during your sessions.
If it is important to you, make it clear to your spouse that your departure is not open to discussion. Your spouse has broken your trust and so he should be able to do this for you.

6
Give confidence to your children.
If you have children, it will be much more difficult to deal with your cheating spouse. Your children will likely feel the tension at home, and it is best to be honest and open to them that you have some problems with your partner. While you don't need to go into too much detail, you should tell them that you love them and that you and your partner are trying your best to set things right.
If you're thinking of ending the relationship, don't let your spouse use your kids to continue the relationship. He says that the children will be better when there are two parents at home, but this may not be the case if the two parents are constantly fighting and ignoring each other.
Even if you are dealing with this difficult situation, make time for your children. Being with your children will also make you feel powerful.

7
Know when it's over.
If you've worked so hard to get things right and still can't forgive your partner and move on with your life, it may be time to end the relationship. Don't bore yourself for inability to forgive your spouse, even if he tries hard to regain your trust; some things are inexcusable. If you just can't keep up with this relationship and feel like you've done all you can to get it right, it's time to make up your mind and move on with your life.
If you can't forgive, don't get angry with yourself or get nervous. You made an effort and remember that your spouse is the one who abused your trust in the first place.
If you can continue, you shouldn't be ashamed of being “satisfied”. You did what you think was best for your relationship and your family, and nobody should judge it.