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Why we undermine our relationships and how to stop doing it
id: 10044831

🔴 We are afraid of intimacy 🔴

Although intimacy is a universal human need, some people associate it with a negative experience rather than a positive one. This, of course, causes a desire to protect yourself, that is, to break off the relationship or avoid it altogether. Most often, the fear of intimacy arises from a difficult relationship with parents or guardians. For example, if they violated the child's personal boundaries, neglected them, shamed or frightened them

🔴 We are afraid to experience pain 🔴

On the one hand, it can be caused by a partner, because we show him our most vulnerable sides. On the other hand, we may get hurt if something happens to him.

In addition, when we get close to someone, it "shifts our lithospheric plates". As a result, a dormant volcano of repressed emotions that we have hidden away for years may awaken.

In order for the eruption not to destroy the relationship, you need to look at your old scars and understand how they affect our behavior now. Because the mechanisms that we have developed for protection prevent us from building a connection with a new person. They shield us not only from emotions and pain, but also from intimacy with a partner.

🔴 We are afraid of losing ourselves 🔴

This fear is often associated with overprotection of parents. They can be loving and generous, but they can also prevent the child from making choices and decisions. Constant monitoring on their part deprives the most important for the development of the feeling that the child's own point of view and his needs are valued.

In adulthood, this fear causes problems with intimacy. A person may feel that the relationship and the partner "stifle" him, deprive him of his own identity or the ability to make independent decisions.

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